feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

a tiny change...

H came in and handed me a gift he got at the office (a bottle of wine n chocolates) he says, "open it up and let's have some." We talk in the kitchen while sipping and he is talking about work so like the good for nothing wife I am..I listen.

In my mind I can't take this limbo feeling I have. I'm thinking in my head should I call him on his sh*t what should I do...I need to talk to him about what he's doing (EA or PA) so..

I ask him, "what is going on here I'm not happy the way things are?" He says, "I don't even wanna come home blah blah anymore." He has never said anything like this ever. I listen to his rant (it was calm) but he was telling me how he feels and even though I hated it - I kept composure and agreed with his negative feelings.

I got brave (and mad) said, "ya know...I don't want you unhappy so I am willing to let you go." I know I know..it was scary to do but he immediately backed off (the look on his face) like wow..she's serious. He back tracked a little (got the feeling he was trying to let me know he wasn't leaving just yet) don't do me any favors!

It seems he is more interested in being wrapped up at work and his travel and I told him, "I love you but I won't be second...I deserve respect." I forgot to tell you guys - he is listening to "his needs her needs." He mentioned it was good (but in a sarcastic way) he said, "I'm not gonna lie anymore"...like to pretend he's happy. I thought wow - that's what you got out of it? I thought it was about taking care of your partner's NEEDS. whatever.

I ended the conversation and we went to sit on the couch. I didn't act sad or upset at all. He was telling me about something at work (that lousy wife was listening once again) so all the time he is talking to me I am tuning him out thinking (i am growing hate for this man)

Here I am supposed to listen to you...care how you feel...but you won't do it for me? Thinking really angry thoughts - this man wants me to play wife but he won't treat me like one! He wants me to sit and have wine with him..talk to me when he feels like...have sex when he feels like it...I was really upset guys.

This morning I get up first - he served me coffee (hasn't at all lately) was talking to me etc - kissed me goodbye and said, "have a good day." He hasn't said that in a month! I can't help but wonder if he thought - I better cool it or maybe he is just feeling guilty cuz he's gonna go have his friday tryst with his ofc girlfriend. Who freaking knows.

Anyway guys...I wanted to tell you I am checking out. I'm ready to act AS IF - no matter what! 100% I've got to pull the rug out of my wavering H feet! I'm tired of being neglected. I'm tired. I feel ready to let him go if that's the case. I can't believe he refuses to have any consideration for MY FEELINGS!!!!

Good morning and thanks for reading....Luv