Trying LRT - Please Help!

[mindfull]

Hi MO3!!! I would say, when you call to talk to the kids, IF he brings it up, tell him that you noticed you missed his call, but had a lot going on today. You know, holidays and all... What's up?

Be proud for that day of loving detachment!!!

[motherof3]

Thanks for the advice Dane & Mind. I called H to speak to the kids. He answered but didn't say anything about the missed calls. I didn't bring it up either. He told me about S6 bball game schedule and then handed the phone off to the kids.

This Friday the kids have a Christmas party at a friends house including a visit from Santa. Both H and I plan to be there. I have tried to go completely dark with H lately and have not had any contact with him outside issues that involve the kids. What do you suggest that I do at this party? I plan on at least acknowledging his presence and initially saying hello, but other than that I don't plan on engaging in any conversation with him. Is this the right approach? Or should I act as if and strike up a conversation with him?

[givingitmyall]

What do you suggest that I do at this party? I plan on at least acknowledging his presence and initially saying hello, but other than that I don't plan on engaging in any conversation with him. Is this the right approach? Or should I act as if and strike up a conversation with him?

Treat him like a friend. Acknowledge him, but I would not get mired down in conversation with him.

How many people will be there? Can you float around the party and strike up conversations with others, maybe even a few men...

[motherof3]

How many people will be there?

A handfull of people, more kids than adults.

Can you float around the party and strike up conversations with others, maybe even a few men...

I will certainly try.

[Serenity13]

((((MO3))))

From what I have been reading, you are doing a wonderful job! I agree with GIMA - Treat him like a friend.

[motherof3]

In reading another thread, Gno got me thinking.

Anything they did (H) was not good enough for their wives

Guilty

Home became a source of pain for H not a place of refuge

Yes, towards the end.

They (H) felt misunderstood and had a lack of connection.

Most definitely

Most of them (H) came to the conclusion that sex was used as a weapon.

Not sure.

So now what?

[motherof3]

Funny or not so funny?

Our D2’s daycare provider wanted to let me know about a comment that H made to her today. Over the phone the other night H was telling me the dates and times of the S6’s bball schedule. I made the comment that S6 might not be able to make his first game. (I was tentatively planning on going out of town with the kids this particular weekend which coincides with the weekend I am scheduled to have the kids.) I didn’t offer H additional information to explain why. He didn’t ask any questions either.

Today H commented to our daycare provider that S6 would not be at his first game because we (me and the kids) would be out of town. H then goes on to comment on how I never tell him anything.

Ha! He only had to ask me. Does he not get it? H, this is how a divorce would work. How does it make you feel? I have been very careful not to strike up any conversation with him. It makes me wonder if going dark is the right thing to do. Or did going dark promote this type of comment from H?

I will be seeing H at the kids’ Christmas party tonight. I have to admit I am a little nervous about sticking to the DB game plan. My head is telling me one thing while my heart is telling me something completely different. I just wish my heart would hurry up and catch up with my head.

[Jstar]

now that i think about i am guilty of the same things. yes i did use sex as a weapon, all of it.

my heart usually takes a year or two to catch up with my heart. i know that as the birth comes nearer and nearer i'm going to get all Iwant my family, we made this child together, not to be divided in broken home, want my marriage and kids all in same home as a family.

ok gotta stop.

you will do great at the xmas party, walk in with confidence, set yourself up mentally for it before you go. please have some fun. maybe do some affirmations prior to going.

[patpat]

Hey Sol

I think that H statement to the daycare provider was out of his frustration of not being able to explain the weekend absence.

Provider may have ask him where you guys were going and he did not know.... hentz, the statement.

I think it is funy. I prob would have said the same thing.

I (being ur H) would not like the fact that I no longer have control over spouse and kids.

DB'ing is working... his frustration is a very small result of your self improvement. The better you get, the worse he will get. may cause him to re think his position.

If so(and it will take lots of time), go slow, watch for true changes, but always put you and your children 1st.

Just dropped by...

Oh, BTW, I went to the store today to shop. Buy me some clothes because after weight loss, nothing fits.

Was grabbing a 36 X 32 jeans and grabbed the wrong ones.. grabbed 2 pair. Wrong sizes thouigh. Purchased and ran home. As i gather evertything out of the bag, I noticed they were smaller 33 X32. I tried anyway. They fit perfectly....

W used to buy everything. 1st time shopping for me in prob 15 years. I know, I know.

I was a 40... weighted 275

Now 33 inch waist weight 190 6 ft tall.

So this is what a flat belly feels like.

Good Luck Sol. My prayers are with you and your fam...

[mindfull]

Hey PatPat... Isn't this Motherof3's thread? LOL

Congrats on the smaller jeans, though!! Way to go!!!