NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

So P what set you off ? What was the trigger for this cycle?

The final trigger was the photo (which I haven't even seen) on W's FB page with the caption 'Me and my man'. I think it's been building for a while. I notice the patterns of these things - happens about once a week at the moment, sometimes worse (as in yesterday) than others.

I think what happens is that the 'I don't care' attitude actually doesn't fool the heart and it just files away the things that 'I don't care' about until the bag get's too full and out they all come.

I want you to notice how long this one lasts. I am guessing you will start rowing again quicker than before.

You know, I think you're going to be right cutter. It's still here today sadly. I was thinking about how to express how it feels. I see it as a knife in my heart - that was pushed in at the S, then pushed all the way in at the A. Every time something happens, or I hear something, see something etc. it's like somebody just twists the knife a little - sometimes it twists more than others. Sometimes they give it a damn good shake (like yesterday). The pain is always there (the knife) and I hope to remove it sometime in the future but it will need to taken out slowly.

I ended up spending tonight talking to a highschool friend who suffered an affair. And she spent the last few years doing them on other people. She has no male friends so I said I would be her first.
I gave her, her first boundary.

That must have felt good? Setting a boundary with somebody else. I have set a few and by and large they are adhered to. I need to man up and set a few more and enforce the existing ones a bit more.

I told her that I could be the first person she tries a boundary out on. And I also told her she should check out this site.
Add that on to the conversation with ladybugs cus... 90 minutes of truthdarts.

LOL ... I do the same. The conversation usually turns around to W at some point

P.S. mama and P go help our friend avermont out.

Will check it out.