No worries. If you read carefully you might get what I was getting at- there is a contact message in there somewhere!!! - lol - I wasn't that delerious!!!!
FWIW, I think you should enjoy Christmas together and make your H feel safe. Plenty of time for discussing things once he feels safe to do so. It's important though NOT to let this be the 'end' but to make sure he knows that you want him to feel safe enough to be able to tell you in the future how he honestly feels, so that he never again feels the need to lose closeness with you or look elsewhere. It's all about how you frame it and do it. Accusations etc get you know where - but you know this already. You have done sterling work at getting your M in a stiuation where you can now work at getting it back on track; to a place where it is balanced and loving and neither of you are walking on eggshells.
This is the beginning of all the hard work, so for now, sit back and enjoy the season's festivities with your family once more intact.....and then start the New Year with a clean slate and some good resolutions on both sides.
Read the stuff about keeping the changes going and keep on getting the Cing.
I do believe this is one area where many DBer's fall down as they have fought one sided to keep the M going for so long .....and now they have to learn to be a 'team' again. Learning how to interact in a positive, non-threatening way is so hard, and I think Lotus' suggestion of Retrouvaille is a good one. Your H may not be ready to be receptive to that idea yet....but if not now, then maybe in time. Good communication is the answer.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
