Good Morning!! H came to the school yesterday for the progress reports of my kids. Stayed with us at home because the journalists were striking (I didnt know). I had the day off. So we ended up being at home the whole day, having lunch, doing homework with the kids, and then he asked if I wanted to go Christmas shopping with him. I agreed and we bought at least 10 gifts and we are almost finished He wouldnt let me pay for anything.
When the kids went to bed he asked me if I wanted him to stay or leave. I told him to leave.
He came close to me sat down and asked me what happened that was so bad that I was so upset and been saying crazy things (Divorce).
We ended up talking for a couple of hours. We agreed to go to counceling. He agree to go to another when I said my C that he likes isnt experienced with couples.
He didnt tell me anything of the things he told my friend. Sometimes it feels like he refuses to "crack". I dont know if it is guilt, I think it is more accepting he f@cked up ROYALLY and swallow his pride by starting to mend things.
He said a few things about the way I handle discussion that were correct. He said when I asked, that one of the things he did wrong before the A was that he was keeping "distant". That alone, fits so many things I have read, but most importantly, listening to him explain how he kept his distance from me, my life, my interests and also doing that with everyone else in his life, isolating himself, seemed quite important to me.
He told me he sees me constantly thinking about our issues and that he thinks that doenst help. He told me he agrees we need counceling to deal with what is going on and what happened but that he believes I should try to control how much I am allowing the "bad" things absorve me.(I was busted for poor detachement in case you didnt notice guys).
At a point I told him I am running on fumes. That I realise I flip flop depending on his actions/inactions because I am so damn tired to find patience and strength about this from "within". That the reason I am not being decissive with moving on is some minors indications that we may have A chance. He said if I gave up now, he would think it is a pitty. Sad, heartbreaking.
When I started getting ready to go to bed, he did too. He never left. In the morning all 4 of us were sleeping in the same bed and I had a foot (my D's) on my chest.
He got up and kissed me goodbye. I need to let things calm down, take the pressure off (me and him), feel confident about ME, get sexy and plan and enjoy the holidays. I hope we find a good C because we need it desperately. K
He wouldnt let me pay for anything. 
