Read Mixed Emotions over in Newcomers...and then read Warm Front in Alaska here....if you want to learn about my sitch....
Yes, I felt just like you described. With my H, it was less about saying I was sorry and more about saying I knew I had hurt him and knew I had made him angry....and it took a lot of saying things like that....it also took a lot of ACTION. When he said mean things to me about past, I just sucked them up and kept db'ing....I went to AA and still go, I stopped blaming him for anything and just focused on me, I walked away from arguements by saying that I did not want to fight and couldn't talk rationally at those moments, I thanked him for things he was doing right, I did little things for him like making him deserts that he liked...I NEVER thought in the very beginning that I was going to get through this period and H was seeing attorneys and saying things like he hated me...was sorry he married me...I was a b*TCH and a C&&T...and so forth....it was TERRIBLE...but I kept a PMA and kept validating his feelings and kept doing nice things for him and he finally came to believe that the changes I was making in myself were genuine. H cut me off financially and just bought groceries and paid the bills and gave me little amounts of cash...h's way of controlling and keeping me from getting drunk, I think...but I did not complain...I made the best of it and acted as if everything was ok....H kept talking about taking a vacation w/o my S and me at Christmas time...I told him lovingly that he deserved it...even though my heart was breaking...told him to go and have fun...we would miss him at Christmas, but he should get to go see his family if he missed them....H is not going on vacation now as far as I know.... and H is living home..not half home half with in laws....H is sleeping with me...I slept in spare room for a long time...and there was no sex ...now, sex is back in our lives...we are sleeping together in master bedroom again...and I am ready to move all my clothes and things back upstairs....but it took patience, love, tolerance and focusing completely on myself...thinking what's wrong with me anytime I got angry, frustrated, etc..with him....often I was insecure, resentful, selfish, and so....did not tell him how to fix himself when I got mad....focused on what to do about me and how to avoid his actions causing me to be angry...ie. be less selfish, be less self-centered...etc. Try to see things from H's perspective..
