The continuing saga of P ...

[Arwen_in_NJ]

We don't do this over here. Is the mediator basically to sit you guys down and discuss the split up of assets etc.?

Yes, that's it. The idea is to meet with a neutral 3rd party to develop an agreement in an amicable fashion as to how assets will be split, support payments, and custody of children and visitation if appropriate (not in our case), rather than the adversarial atmosphere of going straight to trial. Most judges will try to get you to agree to mediation anyway, even if you do file for D, so we (read SHE, since I do not want a divorce!) are trying this route first. Filing for D and going for trial is always an option if we can't come to agreement.

I truly wish they could experience just ONE DAY in our lives to see how things look from the LBS perspective. Just one day.

Same here!

Anyway, Arwen it was good to hear from you again. Sorry about your sitch. Are you on FB out of curiosity?

Actually, I've had a pretty cr*ppy month, and haven't felt like posting when I didn't feel I had much positive to say. I feel like my DBing has gone backwards 8 months! Part of it is just the season, I guess. It was much easier for me to GAL when the days were long and warm- I play softball twice a week in July and August, ride my bike, hang out at friends, etc. It is much harder in the winter when the days are short and dark. And I struggle against seasonal depression in the winter even in good years. Lately, I've spent way too much time and mental energy thinking about her, where she is, what she's doing... blah, blah, blah.

I seemed to have lost the hang of the detachment thing, and have been alternating between obsessing about her and wondering if it isn't really over and I am an idiot for hanging on. It is hard to stand for the marriage when it seems that she is really hellbent on getting a divorce (like getting us on the mediator's calendar), when I KNOW this A of hers isn't going to last and she is going to regret what she is doing. But like you, I haven't seen any positive signs lately that she is reconsidering or isn't happy in her A. Still, while the A was a year old in November, they have only been living together for 2 months.

Add to all this that I turned 50 last weekend. Where I am now was certainly not where I expected to be when I hit the half century mark! I am blessed though in that my family had a surprise party for me (my closest blood family lives a 6 hour drive away). My sister, dad and stepmother made the six hour drive, an aunt and uncle flew in from Michigan, and my mother and baby sister came clear across the country from the West Coast! In addition, there were about 20 local friends and neighbors there. They made my birthday absolutely the best it could be under my current circumstances. Surprisingly, the WAW assisted by providing e-mail addresses and contact info for some of my friends, and loaned me an air bed (via a friend) so my mother had something to sleep on, since WAW took the bed out of the guest room when she moved and I haven't replaced it. I didn't expect to be having company! I didn't hear from my W on my birthday, but I called her the next day to thank her for what she did to help pull the party together and loaning the bed. I now always try to encourage and express my appreciation for her thoughtfulness, as I think one of the issues she had was feeling that I took her for granted (that's one of my 180's). She did sound pleased to hear from me (we hadn't had any contact in almost 3 weeks) and pleased that I was acknowledging her contributions. That night we had the "awkward" situation in the shopping center parking lot when I saw her with OW, though. :-P

Anyway, I am running on... I am on FB, under my real name. How do I find you?