I mean, I've told her that I would take her out on dates and asked that she gets counseling but she's refused--it's damn frustrating that she feels like this is her roadblock to start mending our relationship--I honestly don't understand.
You are being the bigger person here by wanting to mend your marriage. If she doesn't want to, there is nothing you can do.
As for her saying she won't pay CS, that is on her, not to mention totally neglectful of the children. If she does this, you will def have an upper hand w/ regards to custody agreements.
AFWAW there's no point in arguing with her. She is not in her right mind. Someone in her right mind would recall that you STILL have the power to destroy both her and her OM's career. Someone in their right mind would NOT dare threaten anything that could affect custody of their children.
All of this is EMOTIONAL TERRORISM. You are right this is a control issue and a power play to return you to your rightful position in the M (i.e. submission)
Good points, thanks for this. Good support of what I was thinking already.
Quote:
This forum is here to repair marriages... so with that in mind I suggest you run deep and run silent - as in BLACK HOLE deep. Ignore ALL attempts to contact.
Yeah, I want to repair my marriage but I don't want to do it in a manner that costs me my self-respect and the respect of my daughter. There doesn't seem to be any point to talk with her anymore based on everything anyway. If memory serves, I was a lot more jovial when I wasn't in contact with her.
Quote:
I don't see anything to feel threatened about in her actions. Its all saber-rattling.
Maybe, but then again, she's obviously getting anxious about wanting to date. She has mentioned that every time we talk.
Thanks very much for your input.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Nope, you're good, I need all the perspective I can get at this point. I think it's time to call my lawyer and go ahead and file though. I don't see her changing and now with this threat of a high-powered lawyer, I don't feel so friendly anymore about anything she has said or done. If she's not going to act in an accountable manner regarding her indescrestions and get counseling and she feels like she doesn't have to pay CS, then I feel it's probably unlikely that she will come to her senses in a timely manner.
So, I will call tomorrow and take the rest of the paperwork to my lawyer.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
So, she called again today and asked if I wanted to go to lunch tomorrow. I asked what for? She said, as a last ditch effort. I said, I thought you were going to see a lawyer on Monday to file. She said, I am if you don't take that woman of FB. Ok, I said, see you. She said, wait, don't you want me to come home? I said, not right this second I don't. She said, then when and what do I have to do? I said, I already told you, you need to go to counseling and we can start dating. She said, not till you take that woman of FB. I said, ok, bye, and hung up. SOSDD. Not sure if she's serious or not about filing but doesn't appear as if she's serious about want to save our marriage. Oh well, Happy Holidays.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Way to hold your ground. I have to tell you, though, that I agree w/some of the others. You need to sh*t or get off the pot! She'll do this FOREVER! Move on, if she's not going to live w/in your boundaries.
Peace, friend!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Way to hold your ground. I have to tell you, though, that I agree w/some of the others. You need to sh*t or get off the pot! She'll do this FOREVER! Move on, if she's not going to live w/in your boundaries.
Peace, friend!
AFW, I now agree. The only reason I do is W said:
"She said, then when and what do I have to do?"
Look mate there is time to be a hardass and there is time to show her a way out. She is asking you what she has to do, now it's not time to 'come home and all will be okay' but it might be 'show me something and I'll show you something' and remove the OW from FB. Come on man, she is now ASKING, not TELLING ... give a little. Something.
I would give my right arm to be in your position, if you screw it up because you are stubborn I won't be best pleased. I keep threatening to get on that plane as US guys need a twatting with that 2x4 ... I can't afford to hit you all, I need to narrow it down.
From a Scotsman with a WAW to a guy with a potentially returning wife ... we know you guy shave been told we don't wear anything unde rout kilts, and that is actually correct (not because we are brave, but because it feels free'er :))! We also keep a baseball bat under there for twatting people ... you don;t want a guy in a skirt twatting you, do you?
Last edited by P17; 12/18/0902:50 AM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
I dont think you understand... I think AFW has done MORE than enough! (Sorry, AFW) But, I think he needs to dump her. He's been dealing w/her begging to come home, but on HER (new and different) terms for MONTHS. Never on his terms, or ANY terms that are consistently NORMAL.
This woman got bored, slept around, shunned her D, slept around some more, completely PLAYED AFW for MONTHS, and, now that she doesn't have SOME NEW OM's chain to yank around, is begging to come home - but, won't do it unless she owns the terms.
Absolutely, completely, NOT someone this strong man of character needs to be considering anymore, AND AT THE VERY LEAST, validating to their daughter correct behavior, becoming a wife and MOM!
AFW just needs courage to move on. It will come. He knows. He just keeps hoping one day she'll wake up normal and rational again.
Sorry, AFW if I'm putting words in your mouth or thoughts in your brain. You are just WAY too good for this woman. Remember all the pain and heartache your Daughter has gone through, being abandoned by her MOM so she can party and sleep around.
God!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Way to hold your ground. I have to tell you, though, that I agree w/some of the others. You need to sh*t or get off the pot! She'll do this FOREVER! Move on, if she's not going to live w/in your boundaries.
Peace, friend!
AFW, I now agree. The only reason I do is W said:
"She said, then when and what do I have to do?"
Look mate there is time to be a hardass and there is time to show her a way out. She is asking you what she has to do, now it's not time to 'come home and all will be okay' but it might be 'show me something and I'll show you something' and remove the OW from FB. Come on man, she is now ASKING, not TELLING ... give a little. Something.
P17,
I couldn't disagree more strongly. I challenge you to read AFW's entire thread history, and still come to that same conclusion.
He's already given a little . . . to a fault. It's time to "call the question," as they say.
AF - What do you want? If you want her back home and can forgive her then make up a timeline for this stuff. You are back in the driver seat.
Tell her "ok if you go to counseling then after our first session I will take her off my FB page. Not because you want me to, but because I plan on recommiting to this marriage just like I fully EXPECT you to." Make a list of short and long term goals for you both.
I ask you again. What do you want? You can't keep on punishing her like this. Either accept her and her mistakes or cut her loose. Either way you have tithered yourself to her and this R. Cut or reel her back in. If you dont think you can ever forgive her and it can never be the same. Then that is your answer. Move on.
