First time poster feeling a bit lost

[luvless]

Well M,
Luv is right, for the first time in this sitch, you now have the upper hand, so to speak.
It was just over a month ago that I discovered the PA (H's OW also 23 - sucks huh?)
What I tried to after that was make my position clear. My position was that I wanted the M, and would help H figure out his issues, work on forgiveness etc. but only if he stoppped the A and cut OW out of his life. I did not give a timeline, some people do. It took my H 3 weeks to decide.
During those three weeks, I focused on self care and the kids. I remained firm in my boundaries. I made myself "the better option" by backing off, doing 180's and GALing. OW pressured him during this time, became very demanding and the R self-destructed.
I chose not to go the exposure route, but that is a personal decision based on your sitch. I mainly did not do that because my H has a high profile job and we are dependent on the income. If he lost his job (which could have happened due to A happening through work) it would have created much stress for our family.

Stay strong M. She has some tough decisions to make. Whatever she decides, you will be ok.

Wow Rocked - that sucked - so sorry for you but I'm taking notes!