will try to stay out late...maybe brothers house or a movie. not into clubs or bars.
You don't have to go to bars. What were you into before you got M? Do you have a hobby or like sports? Go to the library and read some book like Dr. James Dobson's "Tough Love".
Quote:
Right now i so much want to talk about the R!! but i know thats wrong, don't pursue. In bed i so much want to caress and try fo ML, just to see. But I know thats the wrong thing to do.
Yes it is the wrong thing to do and please don't be like some men who get the advice and then come back and say what they did.....and then write (wrong thing I know)......why do it if you know it's the wrong thing? It's b/c emotions are ruling instead of the brain.
Look at that quote of yours I pasted. Do you see the desparation? You want to ML "just to see". I realize that men ML to fix the problem a lot of times.....but it won't work on this kind of problem and if you did ML you would probably be way too clingly & needy.....wanting your W to prove something to you.
What she needs to see is that you can move forward without her. Of course it will feel scary in the beginning b/c you are afraid of losing her. But don't you see that you are losing her for certain now? The way you are doing right now is not working. We are trying to tell you how to become more attractive to her so she will want you again. And, if she is crazy enough to throw that away, then you need to have the self-confidence to move ahead. You are not prepared for either at this point.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know I keep saying this to people, but it's true. You NEED to listen to Sandi2. She knows what she is talking about. For your own sake, listen to her.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
sandi, yes ,I' m TRYING to do some consistant small thing outside the house that is out of character for me. but it's hard.especially at nite when i'm tired. I get up early and work a full day.I really am trying to follow you guys advice, i know it's the right path.Please bear with me and don't give up on me. I'll get "Tough Love" asap.
sandi, yes ,I' m TRYING to do some consistant small thing outside the house that is out of character for me. but it's hard.especially at nite when i'm tired. I get up early and work a full day.I really am trying to follow you guys advice, i know it's the right path.Please bear with me and don't give up on me. I'll get "Tough Love" asap.
That is a good book. I read it as well.
Do you have time (make time) to exercise? That would help with your fatigue and should give you more energy. Good way to cleanse the mind too.
I know it's not easy, Rob. But one of the reasons I am being so hard on you is trying to toughen you up some. Don't tell anyone I told you this.....but some of the toughest talking men on this board sounded just like you when they first arrived. So, you'll make it.
As for staying out late at night......you know how early you have to get up and get to work the next day and you don't want to endanger that. You do what you can......and what you enjoy, but if you aren't able to stay out long, then do whatever. The point is to force a little bit on yourself so that you will not stay there and stew in your own misery. This time of year can be a very depressing time for a lot of people. Having M problems is awful at Christmastime.
Men have said the same things you are saying and then when they finally backed their ears and went out a few times, they discovered it wasn't too bad and they felt so much better. That's what we want to help you with.....not just how to work at the MR, but to feel better about yourself. You may not think that when a 2x4 comes flying by your head....but the heart is in the right place.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
