Pls help--confused and fearful

[P17]

I meant I'm dead set on filing for the support. I was afraid to stand up for myself. What was I thinking?

Sound of penny dropping.

DBD I'm proud of you. I really am. Go back and read your thread from the start. You have come a H*LL of a long way in that short time. You need to pat yourself on the back.

Nothing more from WAH and I'm glad for that. I was thinking and this sounds contradictory about NC, but...

Don't worry about that. I wonder these things all the time. NC is for us but it is SUPPOSED to bring the WAS closer, even for just a peek, to us. When it doesn't (as it hasn't in my case), we start to wonder back!

I don't understand how WAH has not contacted me about Xmas, the xmas break, and gifts for the kids. He rarely contacts them. He even mentioned to them that he hasn't bought their gifts yet.

If I can be selfish for a second and talk about me. I hope it helps you.

I wonder this too. How can W not contact me about xmas for my D? How can she not contact me about my mum passing away? How can she take all my pics and all D's pics off Bebo. How come, int he last 4 months since we split she hasn't ONCE asked how D is getting on?

Think of it this way.

When I wake up on Xmas morning it will be to the sound, probably at 5am of 'DAD, DAD, look what I got' and we will unwrap xmas present on my super-king size bed. We'll play with some toys, daddy will have his patience tested in trying to get D's toys out of the boxes (why do toy manufacturers employ people who pratcice escapaology to design how they secure toys in their boxes) and we'll have a great time. We'll go downstairs have a great xmas breakfast, play some good xmas music, go around to D's mum's have a good time at xmas dinner, have some wine, watch some TV and have some fun. All the time I will be taking pics and will post them on my FB page.

When my W wakes up on Xmas morning she will have her lovely smoker OM lying next to her. She will go downstairs and she will give him his present. They'll cuddle, ML, kiss, whatever and be all loving during the day. And then she will do something that he won't know she's doing. She'll think of D and me and our last Xmas together and how much fun she had. She won't actually have a concious choice in it, it will just happen. She'll be a bit down and then she'll kiss and cuddle with OM to take away the hurt and the pain. Later on that day, when he is out for a cigarette, she'll do the same thing again, and again, and again. Each time she will question whether she has made the right decision. And it will eat away at her. She will of course cover that hurt up, as I said with more hugs, kisses, ML, etc. But she won't get away from it. And he will never even know about it.

So, ask yourself the same question ... where will H be on Xmas day? Where will you be? Who has the better end of that stick?

This stuff doesn't come out of a cracker. It's not in a fancy book. WAS's don't get their concious eased by anything on that day.

You can't buy this stuff. This is real love and emotion. This is the meaning of family. And they walked out on it.

Remember that on Xmas day. And, do what I will do, smile, a lot. For it's one of the very few days where we know, without question, that being an LBS is actually the better choice.