The continuing saga of P ...

[P17]

P-
If she has so WELL and TRULY moved on and forgotten you, as you believe, then why is she waiting so long with the separation agreement? You think she'd be glad to sign it and get on with it. Things that make you go "hmmmmm"".....

Tonight I can't give you a positive answer.

I do have a negative one.

If you she waits until after July 2010, W will get half the house (approx £15k) and half my business (maybe £1-£2k) so she could be dragging it out for that. HOWEVER, that would suggest she would drag it out until July. At the moment, with the last contact I had with her (16 November) she said she had called solicitor and they had a pre-meeting appointment. I got a letter through last week saying that they were now acting for her and she had an appointment with them and my Lawyer would be in touch after that.

At last 'R talk; (where I blew up basically - it was day to vent about sh*t) she confirmed again that she wanted a D 'as quickly as possible' and I said I would give her one on the grounds of adultery (over here that is immediate grounds for a D) - she said that was fine (after a hesitation) and I told her OM would need to be served as well.

So yes, I understand what you are saying. If W had actually did what I asked - agreed with my separation agreement (we both keep our stuff) then, if she believed me, would actually be in the process of getting a D just now - just waiting for a court date. She hasn't done anything so far - maybe she has agreed to separation agreement and we're just waiting for the usual 'lawyer lag', but again, it's been two and a half months. She seems in no hurry but not enough of a wait to get a financial settlement .. if you see what I mean.

In June I heard "I want to have a separation agreement by the end of July. I don't like to sit in my pain." HER pain? Ha!

I read something the other day in Newcomers that say women in particular like to still expect their men to continue supporting them (in every way) while they have their A. This seems the same from an emotional point of view - she's hurting and she wants to end it ... sod your pain!

We are scheduled with the mediator in Feb. My W is not happy that this was the "earliest appt she could get".

We don't do this over here. Is the mediator basically to sit you guys down and discuss the split up of assets etc.?

I think she appears to move things forward with the D for the benefit of the OW, since I am sure she is getting pressure. I also think this is her way of alleviating her guilt about being in an A- "well I am in the process of D". But if she well and truly wants the D as soon as possible, she hasn't taken the quickest route... why? Maybe there is a part of her deep inside that isn't 100% sure...

I could be wrong about this in my sitch, and a friend has told me I am. But the OM's wife, many years ago, had an A and their M broke up (you'd therefore think the scumbag would have understood where I am coming from, but nevermind). I am mind reading here but if it were me I would be TERRIFIED that a woman was going to get a D for me under their circumstances (before he moved in they had never dated, never been intimate, never lived together and only met once or twice and talked on the phone - he also had cold feet umpteen times before moving here) especially if I was going to be served with papers for it. I understand I am imposing my morals on him, but .... my friend thinks he doesn't care and she could be right, after all he is involved with a married woman so his morals are pretty much shot anyway.

Anyway, I digress.

Maybe there is a part of the W that just doesn't want to push over that line. My W seemed so calm and collected when I last had the R talk. I talked, she listened (and cried) and actually had some anger at a few things (which a) isn't like W and b) surprised me these things were so tender for her)

I truly wish they could experience just ONE DAY in our lives to see how things look from the LBS perspective. Just one day.

Anyway, Arwen it was good to hear from you again. Sorry about your sitch. Are you on FB out of curiousity?