Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

Thanks for the reinforcement of preparing for WAH's wrath.

I'll be honest, I think I'm wanting to hear him talk me out of it. Hate thinking he's capable of such cruelty. No, I won't warn him.

Ugh. Gotta accept I have to go on with this and get the financial support. In my state, there isn't legal separation. So I can file for just the temp support. Hate having to start down this path. I've got to accept it. It must be done. No wondering to what H will be thinking either. I'm a little afraid I admit.

[P17]

I'll be honest, I think I'm wanting to hear him talk me out of it. Hate thinking he's capable of such cruelty. No, I won't warn him.

I know you want him to talk you out of it. You want him to say to you 'honey, this is not what I want. don't do this. Let's try again'. You know this is going to cause him pain and you don't want to inflict that upon him. However by doing exactly that, you are doing a 180 and DBing him. Think about it that way. He doesn't think for ONE MINUTE that you will do this.

Ugh. Gotta accept I have to go on with this and get the financial support. In my state, there isn't legal separation. So I can file for just the temp support. Hate having to start down this path. I've got to accept it. It must be done. No wondering to what H will be thinking either.

Good. That's it exactly. Protect yourself. Worry about the M later, if that's what you want.

[Day by Day]

Protect yourself. Worry about the M later, if that's what you want.

Yeah, that's key... if that's what I want, *if* he wakes up before he erases himself from my heart.

[Day by Day]

I rescheduled my appt with the lawyer for tomorrow. I needed to get more info for filing. I want to be totally prepared for this.

Luckily, I didn't get any other emails from WAH. I hated going back through emails to print out to take to the lawyer. I hate seeing all the lies and how gullible and stupid I was. Yep, seeing how darn ugly it's going to get.

[P17]

I rescheduled my appt with the lawyer for tomorrow. I needed to get more info for filing. I want to be totally prepared for this.

Excellent.

Luckily, I didn't get any other emails from WAH. I hated going back through emails to print out to take to the lawyer. I hate seeing all the lies and how gullible and stupid I was. Yep, seeing how darn ugly it's going to get.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You were in love and trusted him. You're not gullible. He broke the trust. He eroded the love. You're just dealing with it!

It will only get as ugly as you allow it. Let him throw his toys from the pram. Let him shout and scream and cry like a baby. Just saying nothing, turn around and walk away. Let the lawyer deal with it. That's what he is there for.

[Day by Day]

After spending a couple hours filling out the forms for financial support and reading a divorce handbook for my state, I'm not so afraid of going ahead with it. Hopefully that's more detaching on my part. I've been told by a couple people that sometimes the WAH wakes up when they see how much they will be paying for a divorce. Geesh, like that'll make me feel good for him to come back to me because it's too expensive.

My dad is having his kidney removed on Saturday. Glad the drs. are attending to it asap.

[newmama]

After spending a couple hours filling out the forms for financial support and reading a divorce handbook for my state, I'm not so afraid of going ahead with it. Hopefully that's more detaching on my part. I've been told by a couple people that sometimes the WAH wakes up when they see how much they will be paying for a divorce. Geesh, like that'll make me feel good for him to come back to me because it's too expensive

divorce busting is only necessary if you don't WANT the divorce...
So I mean that you can totally do whatever you want if you want to divorce! nothing to lose! As for the expense waking up WSs, it would be initial motivation to stop and think, not the 100% reason to divorce! AND DO NOT DO IT IF YOU DON'T WANT IT.

About your dad, hopefully the surgery means they get all the cancer out!! Best wishes for a smooth surgery and speedy recovery. (((daybyday)))

[Day by Day]

I meant I'm dead set on filing for the support. I was afraid to stand up for myself. What was I thinking?

Nothing more from WAH and I'm glad for that. I was thinking and this sounds contradictory about NC, but... I don't understand how WAH has not contacted me about Xmas, the xmas break, and gifts for the kids. He rarely contacts them. He even mentioned to them that he hasn't bought their gifts yet.

[newmama]

DBD I saw on P17's thread that you are filing for D.
Is this your idea or your lawyer's? (((Daybyday)))

[P17]

I meant I'm dead set on filing for the support. I was afraid to stand up for myself. What was I thinking?

Sound of penny dropping.

DBD I'm proud of you. I really am. Go back and read your thread from the start. You have come a H*LL of a long way in that short time. You need to pat yourself on the back.

Nothing more from WAH and I'm glad for that. I was thinking and this sounds contradictory about NC, but...

Don't worry about that. I wonder these things all the time. NC is for us but it is SUPPOSED to bring the WAS closer, even for just a peek, to us. When it doesn't (as it hasn't in my case), we start to wonder back!

I don't understand how WAH has not contacted me about Xmas, the xmas break, and gifts for the kids. He rarely contacts them. He even mentioned to them that he hasn't bought their gifts yet.

If I can be selfish for a second and talk about me. I hope it helps you.

I wonder this too. How can W not contact me about xmas for my D? How can she not contact me about my mum passing away? How can she take all my pics and all D's pics off Bebo. How come, int he last 4 months since we split she hasn't ONCE asked how D is getting on?

Think of it this way.

When I wake up on Xmas morning it will be to the sound, probably at 5am of 'DAD, DAD, look what I got' and we will unwrap xmas present on my super-king size bed. We'll play with some toys, daddy will have his patience tested in trying to get D's toys out of the boxes (why do toy manufacturers employ people who pratcice escapaology to design how they secure toys in their boxes) and we'll have a great time. We'll go downstairs have a great xmas breakfast, play some good xmas music, go around to D's mum's have a good time at xmas dinner, have some wine, watch some TV and have some fun. All the time I will be taking pics and will post them on my FB page.

When my W wakes up on Xmas morning she will have her lovely smoker OM lying next to her. She will go downstairs and she will give him his present. They'll cuddle, ML, kiss, whatever and be all loving during the day. And then she will do something that he won't know she's doing. She'll think of D and me and our last Xmas together and how much fun she had. She won't actually have a concious choice in it, it will just happen. She'll be a bit down and then she'll kiss and cuddle with OM to take away the hurt and the pain. Later on that day, when he is out for a cigarette, she'll do the same thing again, and again, and again. Each time she will question whether she has made the right decision. And it will eat away at her. She will of course cover that hurt up, as I said with more hugs, kisses, ML, etc. But she won't get away from it. And he will never even know about it.

So, ask yourself the same question ... where will H be on Xmas day? Where will you be? Who has the better end of that stick?

This stuff doesn't come out of a cracker. It's not in a fancy book. WAS's don't get their concious eased by anything on that day.

You can't buy this stuff. This is real love and emotion. This is the meaning of family. And they walked out on it.

Remember that on Xmas day. And, do what I will do, smile, a lot. For it's one of the very few days where we know, without question, that being an LBS is actually the better choice.