Not Me...Ever part 2

[luvless]

(((Luvless)))

It wasn't any easy road to travel down however once I realized that I didn't want to live like that, things started to change.

I wasn't there for my kids, my job, nothing - I was just existing, on most days I felt like I was one step away from suicide and along with prayer, therapy, counseling from my Pastor and (with an enormous amount of patience) Puppy, only then was I able to get to this place.

I posted here but didn't follow advice...

I read into each word he spoke & each move he made.

I ended up getting hurt over and over and over again.

Once I took in what was being told to me, the dynamics within me started to change.

I refused to own my H's affair period.

He had numerous other alternatives at his disposal if he was truly that unhappy.

The one he chose was the most destructive, detrimental & cowardly one possible.

The example he set for my sons has been a very hard thing for me to rid them of and the behavior he has displayed has been very heartbreaking to them and to me.

While I still want my marriage to work out and I still love my H more then words can say, in the end, I now know either way, I will be just fine.

This gives me hope even though I feel at my lowest right now. I know this will end and I will be ok too. It's so hard to see but I know it's there.