Since I am all in my new place-alone, I realized that my ex-h 40th birthday is coming up. Daughter says she wants to make him something. What is appropriate for me to do? I want to acknowledge that it is the big 40 and that I'm thinking about him but I don't want to go overboard and screw it up either! We live in the same town now and I am still picking up dropping off daughter. I asked him to drop daughter off and he said no. So he has not gone to see my apartment yet.
well maybe I will make dinner for him, get him a cake and get a card, general but hey, he gets eveything he needs but I was thinking of a gas card, since he does travel alot. Inside the card tell him I didn't know what I could give him except that again I am so sorry for everything that has happened, all the missunderstandings and lack of communication. I really wish both of us honored the "for better or worse" part of our vows. How's that sound?
A card is fine, cake is fine, do not say anything a bout vows. A small present, don't go overboard. something to let him know you care. But the vows is putting pressure on him.
Thanks for responding elwood-you know I'm always reading your stuff. but it's like he thinks that the divorce was all my fault, everything was my fault. But it takes two and I don't know if he realizes it. Then I was looking through our wedding album while unloading boxes and start thinking that hey, he really never tried either. He took the easy way out as well, but just giving me a divorce. When it got worse, he bailed. I know I'm just as at fault, but I feel think its all my fault and its not and I want to get that across to him. But I think things are getting better. I think I already said this but this past Sunday, daughter called me up and invited me to have dinner over there but I was a om's house getting more of my stuff and by the time I got the message dinner was over--I felt so bad!! I blew a chance! But this weekend I will invite him over to see the apartment and have dinner. Why does he still have our daughter invite me???? I mean except for this Sunday, I always except the invitations????
anita, you can't make him accept the fact that he is as much to blame for the divorce as you, so don't try. He may have daughter call, cause at this time he does not want you to feel like he is attempting anything. Just take it for what it is. Enjoy the time together with no strings attatched. You, like me are in this for the long haul. It takes time to rebuild trust and friendship.
you said it elwood--a long and winding road! yeah I have to learn to just enjoy the ride for now. I hope everything is going well. I have a question for you. In one of your posts you mentioned that you were going to go out with this girl--did you ever do that? If so, why are you doing that if you want to get back with the wife? Just curious....
A birthday especially is no place to start a R talk, in a card or elsewhere. Do something nice with no strings at all, no menition of ANYTHING. It kind of sounds like you want to start an argument and that isn't appropriate on a birthday.
hoping--I know, I guess I am frustrated because the ex went to my family and talked with them for like 4 hours and he explained his version of our problems and why he is going through the divorce, my ex's mother called me at work to try and stop the divorce and I had all these people in my office-meeting. So I told her if it would be alright if I could come over the next evening after work and tell my side she said that it was fine. Well my husband called me the next day about an hour before I get off work and told me that his parents do not wish to speak with me and not to go over there because they won't talk to me. I really would like to say how sorry I am for what I did to their son and the family. It's like for some reason I feel like I have unfinished business with them or something.
