how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[avermont]

Nothing happened 8 months ago, except he met this woman thru mutual friends. All I heard from him about the affair and being done:
" I met this person in May. I never thought I was the sort of person to have an affair, but there it was, and I took it. She was only going to be in town for a month, so I thought there would be an end to it. She stayed. I was terrified when she told me she wasn't going back to school. AV, we have gone as long as 6 weeks without ML. I thought it was just my cross to bear,(our lacking sex life) but when OW came along, and I saw my life could be different...well...AV, we are so good together on so many levels, but on a deeply personal level, well..." "AV, I am just done with this R." and he looked so tired and worn when he said that.

So sex was his motivating factor to start. PA moving into EA. What I read about exit affairs made my blood run cold. Seemed to match the sitch.

Though in all honesty, truly, right up to May we had been talking about how our lives were wonderful, how lucky we were to have built this life,re-mortgaged the house again, made jokes about being little old ladies and men together. AND--I swear--my libido had been picking up all spring and we were having more sex in the months leading up to the OW opportunity.

So, the little I know is that lots of hot sex was the cause and continuation of the A.

I don't know that it is an exit affair; but I suspect it is.
Unfortunately, he is not holding up a sign saying "EXIT AFFAIR" but the words "I'm done" are pretty chilling.

As for tonight's drama around bill-paying: I think you will all be pretty proud of me.

Got to the library early. Laptop all set up. He comes in.

H: "what's going on?" ME: "nothing, and you?"

H: "oh, here is some news about my truck. blah blah blah." "

ME: oh, gee, that's interesting. OK. Now, here is where I am with the bills:

H: here are some bills that came to me; here are some bank errors (which he had already emailed me about)

ME: OK. Do I have this entered right? What other bills could I set up for auto withdrawal?

H: here are some corrections (nicely said)

ME: here is some apartment news. Do you want to put an ad in Craigslist?

H: Oh, good idea.

ME: OK, that's all good then. (folding up computer)

A moment of hesitation. We put on our jackets, and he initiates: "Oh, I heard you got the grant for so and so. That's great"

"Yes, thanks. It will help with the project."

A little more chit-chat--initiated by him. I indicated my new VULNERABILITY by saying "yes, this is a scary project to be in charge of. I hope it goes well."

Walked out together. Good night. Good night.

So--quiet. Calm. little bit of chatting--initiated by him. Some question by me to him about handling bills correctly (let's him be manly; shows I am willing to admit not knowing everything.)

All wrapped up in about 1/2 hour.

Geezum. But I am still going out for a drink!!

Thanks to all for listening and your advice. I think I found the right balance.

I looked at "the art of seduction" earlier and found it too scary! Maybe now I am braver.

Whoosh. Tired. Thanks.