The continuing saga of P ...

[P17]

For me and probably others, the hope comes from reading other success stories and knowing that most As end (do not lead to marriage), that the WSs realize they were lost and made a mistake. 6 mo-18 months is average length of affairs.

Newmam, thanks for replying back to me. As I said I'm having a really bad day today. The things that have triggered it really are insignificant and on any other day wouldn't have actually made a blind bit of difference to me. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I'm having a bad day. Sh*t happens, but a hard hat.

The problem I am having with this today is that I truly believe that the A will end, but I believe OM will have to end it. W will NOT end that R with OM because she is so terrified of being on her own. She is insecure. She won't want to face the guilt which she is feeling (which if I know the old W at all will destroy her when she wakes up) and she will not want to admit she has made a mistake.

That is a positive step that OM will have to end it, but it's not. OM has a house that has been bought by W's daddy, sex on tap (and I do mean on tap), affection, a pleasing GF (part of the problem in the M - she made sure I was happy but did nothing for herself), money, and the ability to control his 'woman' (as she will be so scared of im leaving that he will effectively get away with anything - W told D's mum that OM was giving up smoking as she wasn't paying for his habit - lo and behold about 6 weeks later he is still smoking away - remember W is allergic to smoke).

W also said to me one time that when she is done with an relationship, she never goes back.

So, we have on one hand that OM is going to have to end the A as W won't. And OM would be insane to do so. I am therefore stuck.

The path that OM and W followed with their A is also the same one me and W walked when we started dating (lots of texts, phone calls and then met weeks later). It just seems our relationship all over but with a new man that isn't me. It also means the results will be the same but I ain't waiting for 7 years!

My SIL and my husband's exW are 2 personal examples of the WS ending the A and regretting it. But ideally, the GAL and 180s are supposed to help us be distracted while the WSs go on their stupid journey.

I know. The GALing and 180 (the NC was a 180 for me as I pursued initially) have done me the world of good. I am so glad I did it. I would still be a wreck if I hadn't - while I sound like a wreck today, as I said I'm having an off day.

A case in point was tonight. Took D to school as the school Xmas concert was on. When I went to pick her up I had to wait around with the other parents for 30 minutes as the show overran. While I was with W at the end, the anxiety would have killed me and I would probably have waited outside. But no, I was completely calm, exchanged a few pleasantries with the other parents and was fine. I only realised what I did after about 15 minutes. This is as a direct result of the NC and me working on myself. If nothing else, I am proud of myself. Walking taller, more confident and more strength.

Anyway, I'm rambling.

She HAS tried to contact you!

She has. Last contact was what 2 weeks ago? She has moved on with her life completely since then. And I mean completely. D has been forgotten, I'm forgotten. my family has been forgotten. It's a complete detachment from out entire M and relationship.

You have been excellent at not responding!

I have to admit I do feel good about not being sucked in.

1 month of NC is only a start.She is fully in the A--that's what WSs do when they are separated from us.

I know all this stuff. That's what's frustrating but I just feel like what is the point of going on, you know? I think Saffie said it best when she said she hasn't gone dark, she's moved on. Since I read that I just thought why I am therefore waiting? I don't want to get involved in another relationship, sexual or otherwise, while I'm married. I won't feel comfortable about that regardless of what W has done.

And remember, most BSs would have started to file by now which is totally understandable. But we all here are entering the unknown...what if we don't file for D and implement these techniques?

That's the thing though. I am not implementing any techniques. I have implemented NC and that was it. Prior to that I was doing a little bit of DBing (mainly the 'I have another woman' mystery) and she was snooping and asking D questions but now I have nothing. No technique and no way to apply one as W has disappeared off the radar. I just think sh*t ... what do I do now?

Some BSs may be happy they filed but those that aren't happy will never know what could have happened if they just GAL'D and detached for awhile. This is painful and not for the faint of heart!

Not it's certainly not. I feel like filing. I really do. But it's not what I WANT TO DO. I feel it's all I have left to complete the detachment and move on. That's wrong, but it's what's going through my head.

Remember, it's the holidays and it will make us all more emotional. ((P17))

I know newmama. Thanks for the hug. As I said I'm having a bad day and I do appreciate you responding to me and letting me ramble.

As I've said many many times, this site is a godsend.