Mental illness carries a stigma to it; lots of people treat it like a moral failing -- that it's a matter of willpower, or "trying harder", or choosing to think differently.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
There are specific medications for bipolar disorder that can make a huge difference. If he doesn't want it on record, there are ways to get medications "off record" via the internet.
I'd try to talk to him and clarify where he thinks this "bipolarness" is coming from. A true disorder, or things left unsaid?
Its still really good that he apologized and owned up to his behavior. I would see that as a baby step in the right direction.
I agree, that it may be a baby step. Well, more hoping that's what it is.
I dunno. We'll have to wait and see. The good thing is, is this is truly the first time he has owned up to being a jerk, and not just with an apology but with a "reason" for his jerkness...good step I hope.
As long as it has nothing to do with his sister. I dunno. Gnosis recommends not talking to her about it. I have this overwhelming urge to ask if she talked to him? She may not tell me the truth though.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
As long as it has nothing to do with his sister. I dunno. Gnosis recommends not talking to her about it. I have this overwhelming urge to ask if she talked to him? She may not tell me the truth though.
That would be a good reason not to, then. And what have we been saying about giving in to "overwhelming urges"?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
True, true... The one thing though, is I feel she would respect me in asking her not to tell her brother what I said. So hopefully she was true to her word. But like I said, she really wants this to work out, so if she thinks she can help she will try.
He worked last night too though. Which means he was driving around in a police car all through the night in a snow storm. Which all may mean he wasn't busy and had a lot of time to think.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Came home last night. H asks me my plans for New Years. I don't know yet. Tells me he is leaving after work that day to go snowboarding for 4 days. He is going to take the weekend off of work and he'll be back 4 days later.
Really. Must be nice to be a single man. A man with no children apparently. We always always take the kids sledding new years day. But he is giving that up this year to go snowboarding with some people he works with.
Asks me if thats okay. I didn't know what to say. I had a party to go to, so I got dressed, said goodbye to the boys and left. Irate. I can't believe he just said that. He moves home, wants to spend xmas with me like we're a happy family, but then 5 days later is going to take off on a snowboarding trip? Like we can really afford it 5 days after Christmas. Especially with him taking the weekend off. I'm so livid.
Totally did a good job "acting as if". 5 min. after I left my phone is ringing. I didn't answer it.
I get home, and its the opposite. The man has never sucked up to me more in five years as he has in since I got home last night.
"Can I go get us an icecream treat from DQ?"
"Want to go rent a movie?"
This morning: " Did you fall asleep right when you went to bed? I couldn't sleep so i was going to come up and ask if I could lay with you, but I thought you may have fallen asleep already."
" Can I have a hug?"
" Can I have a hug?"
" Can I have a hug?"
" Can I have a hug?"
" Can I have a hug?"
" Can you cut my hair later?"
" Why won't you hug me? What's wrong?"
" Come lay with me in bed for a while, I want to cuddle"
And the list goes on...
H's xmas party is tonight. I have to work and did not get an invite. So I asked him who his date is (acting as if i didn't care if he had one)
The man was disgusted. Absolutely couldn't believe that I would think he would take a date to his Christmas party. I responded,
"Well most people take their spouse to their parties, and when you don't have one you take a date."
He could not believe what was coming out of my mouth.
"Who would I take?" I dunno I said. Just assumed you would have found someone.
"Well I'm not taking anybody, I'm going with Franklin ( a buddy of his who is also single)
He got really weird after and quiet. I was on my way to lunch with some girlfriends. He asks me when I'm going to be home. I told him I don't know. And leave.
That was it. Does the man really think i am going to give him any affection after he tells me he is taking off for a single kidless snowboarding weekend? No invite for me, no anything. I don't think so. You move back in, want affection, want to do family things with me, have xmas with me, and then you ditch me and the boys to go be single. I don't think so.
He's manipulating me now to make me happy so I'm not upset about him going away. Its sick. I don't know how to handle this.
P.S. I put new black curtain up in our room, and they really darken the room. He loves that. And comes in and says " Well looks like I know where I'll be sleeping from now on.."
Really
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
That was it. Does the man really think i am going to give him any affection after he tells me he is taking off for a single kidless snowboarding weekend? No invite for me, no anything. I don't think so. You move back in, want affection, want to do family things with me, have xmas with me, and then you ditch me and the boys to go be single. I don't think so.
Well .....
First, it's not that I disagree with you in principle. You live like a single man or you live like a married man, which means you at least consult with the mother of your children about such matters as a 4-day skiing holiday, not announce it as a foregone conclusion.
But you are seriously pissed at him about this, and you KNOW it is coming out in your tone and attitude, though you have said nothing. You are expecting mind-reading here, and it's not going to really get you anywhere good. If you continue to be angry about this and finally come out with it (which is what usually happens), he will have plausible deniability. "You *never* said it bothered you!!!" And you know what? On this one, he'll be right.
I know he's acted like a great big baby in many ways, and your situation is still kind of limbo; that's *gotta* be hard. For both of you.
But you just can't build anything solid going forward on "You should have known" and/or tit-for-tat withholding and coldness. IMHO.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
