Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Hi TF,
Diagnosing was one of my bad habits, being in the medical profession, I can usually figure simple things out and suggest strategies or suggestions that can help. H used to appreciate this knowledge but I think when he slipped into the MLC this became one of his pet peeves, along with suddenly hating our cat.

I've stopped mothering. I've stopped diagnosing on my own. Permanent changes (except in regard to the girls).

I'm sad today. My lawyer emailed me last night that H's lawyer was preparing to file papers for a divorce and serve me. H's lawyer wanted to know if my lawyer would accept the papers on my behalf- I said "sure"...

I spoke to H about D14 and I told him his lawyer was having me served and H said he didn't know anything about it...I asked H if he ever talked to his lawyer about filing for legl separaation vs divorce and H got quiet then said "that is what you wanted, not what I want"..

H seems extrememly solid on wanting a divorce. No waffling. Makes me wonder if thinking H is in MLC is just a rationalization I've grasped onto, and my H really has never loved me and can't wait to extricate himself from my life.

One minute I'm fine and can imagine a life without H and the next I'm a basket case(in private) feeling extreme rejection and anger/hate from H.

I feel like I need to have some kind of picture of what my future will look/feel like just to move on, move forward and manage my emotions better.

Guess I'm still deep into grieving the loss. It sucks.