how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[avermont]

I did some reading on affairs.

My fear is that this is the "exit affair." The excuse he had been looking for to call it all done. The stats on reconciling in that sort of affair are pretty much zilch.

I know the OW is the opposite. Younger, presumably needier, much more sexual (from the emails I read as I confirmed who the OW was). So he is getting a lot of needs filled. Whether or not those needs are all he needs to be filled--well, that's up to him, right?

I do hope that he will realize how much of his life he has lost this winter as he has no one to snowboard/hike/snowshoe with. How will I know? I won't--because every time I think--I wonder if he knows or feels such and such--I think "that's not my problem!" I am trying to mentally let go of pondering what all he is doing and thinking and just say "it's not my problem." I hope that counts as detaching.

I don't know what, if anything, will make him crash and burn. The affair is in month 8 now...that's a long time.

So that is my detaching: oh, I wonder if such and such..."it's not my problem."