Been there, am there, verbally abusive man. H has been much better, but then I don't see him every day. I remember shortly after this all started and H was thinking about D'ing and losing his pension..which is this guys life...looking at me and saying "I'll kill you" with venom.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. I know you grieve...for what is for what could have been. Turn to God during this time...cry out your anguish to Him. He ultimately knows exactly what it is we need. He'll provide and comfort you.
Keep your faith in God...not in h or even yourself. You are His daughter afterall!
Thanks all for your advice and kind words...am so sad and so distraught...friend spent some time with me and brought me soup...took my son to spend night at her house...I tried to have phone conversation with H...it was pointless..he is and was abusive and mean...I had calmed down enough to ask him to at least come home for Christmas and we'd figure out what we were doing after that...and he said no..he wanted to be as far away from me as possible...which is actually ok with me..at this point that's probably the best way for their to be peace on my piece of Earth... Merry Christmas to me. LOL I'm actually thinking of telling him that his not showing up was the best present he's ever given me...but I have a sick feeling that he will show up...he's like that...says one thing, does another...so we'll see... I don't know what I want today....
Fortunately...I don't want to drink and I do want to pray about all of this...other than that..I'm very confused.
I agree with just about everything everyone said. I'm just tired and angry and have worked so hard for the last five months...for what? Christmas eve is my five months sobriety birthday...I am psyched about that...it's been a good five months for the most part...the worst parts have all involved him...hmmm is God telling me something?
Anyway, I am going to get some rest now...thanks to all of you...and hugs back at ya all......
My c told me that the battle that we are in for our marriages are really battles against the spiritual world. The devil is very real and of course does not want your marriage to succeed because it is a god ordained convenant. I had the same episode with my h back at the end of October. I was devasted as I'm sure you are. Come to find out now it was about ow...he thought he was going to get an r with her but she dumped him. H said horrible things to me, escorted me from his apartment complex like I was some kind of criminal. And then he remained silent for 3 weeks until our court appearance then he said no to d! Holy smokes couldn't believe it but that's God for you.
Don't do anything further for your h. Ask God to make it clear by letting something specific happen by a certain date. Pray this everyday, no contact with h and focus on you. Ask some of your friends who are prayer warriors to join you in believing with you. God will answer.
Remember no contact with h, make it all about you instead!
Do you have family to share the holidays with? Kiddos? Try to keep it as normal as possible? SO hard...I'll repeat what I told Opt a moment ago...thinking back on last year's nightmarish holidays, one thing I did was I WENT to my folks, I went to the parties, I DID stuff...I cooked my traditional dishes...I was on the bloody edge the whole time (I was 90% sure our M was over) but I DID find peac, love and joy...even if it was fleeting, it was there.
