Girl, he may be feeling a bit out of control. There's a reason certain folks are attracted to alcoholics and at their sickest they can become....well...SICK! He may be having trouble adjusting to your new sobriety because he doesn't get to be the "sober, overly-responsible, self-righteous, martyrs that co-dependents can become! And...oh...can they EVER hold a resentment! Ever been to an Alanon meeting?
Hell, my step-mom took YEARS to be able to let go of some of her resentments she had against my father...even after he'd been sober for years! I think it wasn't until she started taking Prozac and was going to college to become a CD counselor that it all clicked for her and she could forgive. My bio mother NEVER forgave. She wears her hatred of my father like a crown for the things he did when he was drinking...even to this day and he's 4 years dead now.
I know it looks bad right now...this phone call from such and such a number. Do you recall some of my more harrowing experiences:
Such as when my S20 and his girlfriend were SURE that they saw H driving around with XOW.
Or when I saw H's cell phone bill...with tons of calls to XOW on it, and it turned out that none of it was as it seemed.
Please withhold judgement on your H and your M until you have heard your H's side of the story. Don't give up yet. It isn't always black and white!
