Oh Gno! What is going on?

[luvless]

Coach, there is no "secret technique". Bits and pieces are spattered all over the board.

For the past three months I've been mining the tactical nuggets found in others situations. It took me a while to recover after the bomb and making the same mistakes every one does.

When I did I saw the situation for what it was ... a war of the minds. I set out the following tasks. Some running concurrent

• Lawyer up, prepare for a nasty divorce and protect my ass-ets.
• Face the worst that could happen (My marriage is dead and I've lost twelve years of my life.)2) Lie low and wait, monitor the "enemy" and gather information
• Build my resources and research alternatives solutions
• Take the laundry list and work on it to improve myself.
• Observe the "enemy" and identify weak spots.
• Discover if there is infidelity. If there is GAME OVER.
• Identify spies and people of influence in W's camp.
• Keep my cards hidden at all times. The left hand must not know what the right hand is doing.
• Plan my attack and execute

With that in mind, I've hinted subtly here and there... Mrs Gno is going to face the sum of all fears if she continues down this path and does not withdraw her forces.

• Loss of her lifestyle as she knows it
• Sense of security
• Financial support
• Loss of her H and friend (already almost gone)
• Loss of stability
• Test of her "moral support" structure (which will fail)

While battles are lost or won in the field, but wars are settle with diplomacy. The grim picture I'm busy painting is my last resort for her to get her head out of the ground. Reality sucks.

I'm in your reality! I MUST look at what you said here and APPLY it to my own situation.

[Gnosis]

This is something I posted to luvless earlier today:
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Luv, its one thing to outright lie and another to plant seeds of doubt. For everything you do there will be a day of reckoning where you have to explain yourself and convince the other party that they still deserve your trust and respect.

EVERYTHING I am doing in my own sitch is being documented and when the time comes I'll be able to support my actions for the innocent interactions that they are going to be. Its a major exercise in gas-lighting with good intentions.

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Keep this in mind. This goes along the lines of: Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of WAW.

.

[motherof3]

Keep this in mind. This goes along the lines of: Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of WAW.

LOL.

[Kettricken]

EVERYTHING I am doing in my own sitch is being documented and when the time comes I'll be able to support my actions for the innocent interactions that they are going to be. Its a major exercise in gas-lighting with good intentions..

I think you really need to think hard about this. There is no such thing as 'gaslighting with good intentions'. Creating a little mystery and Otherness is a positive thing, but deliberately crafting and enacting a complex strategy to mislead a partner about your actions and intentions is nothing less than betrayal.

It demonstrates complete disrespect for their adult ability and responsibility to make decisions based on facts, even if they are making terrible use of that power.

You are interested in female input, chew on this: If my husband took such actions, even if it brought me out of a "fog" and I was grateful for that, I could never trust him again as an intimate partner. Ever. First, it's hard to believe someone's intentions are pure when they have such a vested interest in the situation, and even if I did believe in the purity of his heart, it wouldn't outweigh the negative drag factor of the Machiavelli act so long as he continued to assert that it was justified.

Dissonance theory teaches us that the problem with embarking on a program of deliberate obfuscation and manipulation is that the brain knows there's a problem with it. Sadly, the answer to the conundrum of "I'm a good person" and "I'm doing something really shifty" is to justify, justify, justify. Even more sadly, this justification often takes the form of demeaning or demonizing the target of said shiftiness. Do you want to go there with your wife?

I know you're not embarking on this lightly, and that you realize there may be undesirable fallout. Guess I'm just giving you a woman's "Ya THINK???" on the undesirable fallout.

My 2 cents.

[soleil]

but deliberately crafting and enacting a complex strategy to mislead a partner about your actions and intentions is nothing less than betrayal.

You are interested in female input, chew on this: If my husband took such actions, even if it brought me out of a "fog" and I was grateful for that, I could never trust him again as an intimate partner. Ever. First, it's hard to believe someone's intentions are pure when they have such a vested interest in the situation, and even if I did believe in the purity of his heart, it wouldn't outweigh the negative drag factor of the Machiavelli act so long as he continued to assert that it was justified.

I know you're not embarking on this lightly, and that you realize there may be undesirable fallout. Guess I'm just giving you a woman's "Ya THINK???" on the undesirable fallout.

My 2 cents.

I agree with this. At the same time, I think Gno is going the way of he wants to collect his 'intel' information. So it's a double-edged sword.

[Kettricken]

Hmmmmm. I see your point, but garbage in, garbage out. How authentic or revealing is the intel you gather if it's based on a scenario you manufactured?

[mindfull]

M, I don't know why, but I really have a gut instinct that you're going to win.

Without being too forward, G, I like your gut!

I know he likes me. What's not to love? Just can't figure out what his damned problem is.

He needs an influx of GGGGGGG!

[mindfull]

What's going on w/you today? Any RA sightings, messages, etc...? Are you at home on your computer, or at the Starbucks smelling like a million bucks? Is the NOT JEALOUS wife behaving at home, or is she getting another mani/pedi?

[mindfull]

I bet G is out gettin' a hookah buzz, counting abs on those belly dancers right now!

[Ready2Change]

EVERYTHING I am doing in my own sitch is being documented and when the time comes I'll be able to support my actions for the innocent interactions that they are going to be. Its a major exercise in gas-lighting with good intentions..

I think you really need to think hard about this. There is no such thing as 'gaslighting with good intentions'. Creating a little mystery and Otherness is a positive thing, but deliberately crafting and enacting a complex strategy to mislead a partner about your actions and intentions is nothing less than betrayal.

While I was still in the house, and MsR2C was not looking or talking to me, I was going to the gym in the evenings after the kids were in bed. Of course I was showering, and dressing really nice before I left. I remember only one reaction: Her screaming "I don't care what you are doing!". Hindsight maybe not the smartest thing to do, but she was full steam ahead for D and I was still letting fear control me.