Positive developments? #2

[K4D]

I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Divorce?

Been catching up on your thread. Yes, D is the worst that could happen. But ultimately you are trying to avoid the worst that can happen and prevent the D. It looks to me like you are doing the absolute best you can. And you do appear to have the FIL against you and your M. That is not an easy obstacle to overcome.

I did see where you said that being nice is what got you hear. Being nice is what finally started changing my MIL's heart towards me after over a year of ulginess from her on all levels. She is now thawing. My W is now being nicer over all this month for the first time as well.

DBing isn't about being mean and cold to change your circumstances. It is about being the best you can be as a person to give your M every shot you can to be saved.

Yes, it does include setting boudaries and detaching, but don't confuse that with not being nice. You can be nice and still set those boundaries and detach which would be far more effective in the long run than turning cold and not being nice. Being nice also doesn't mean you are a doormat. That is where boundaries come in.

You can be cheerful and out going to her while setting boundaries which is more effective than just turning cold. I don't think you will be cold though. Anger is normal. This is a hard road. Everyone experiences it from time to time. It is the betrayal and frusturation that isn't ending that brings on the anger. You just have to control it and keep focused on your goals in life. One of them being the most effective way to save your M which I think you already know and are working at.

I can understand your joy of the start up versus the big corporate world. They each have their trade offs and ultimately you have to do what works best for you in that regard.

Here is the thing, even if she does file for D, that doesn't mean it is over. There is still time on your side even if the D gets filed for. I do think filing for D to make taxes easier is about the weakest excuse I have heard, but that is just me.

There isn't alot you can do about FIL. I understand your frusturation with him, believe me I do. But whatever you do, don't criticize him to your W. That won't help matters. And I don't see anywhere that you have which is good.

How is your praying going? Do you pray daily for your M? Do you pray daily for God's will to be done? Do you trust in him? It is hard to keep faith sometimes when everything appears to be against you. Lord I know this. But I would keep it up anyways because you don't know when things can change in the blink of an eye.

I don't know if you have been to rejoiceministries.org. If you haven't, I would encourage you to do so. I think you will get a lot of encouragement from that site.

One of the reasons that I am where I am is because I made so many wrong mistakes in the beginning and for sometime. It is going to be a lot harder of a road to turn that back around because I didn't do what I needed to right off the bat when all of this started happening. I did the complete opposite of what I should have done.

Don't lose heart. It still isn't over. Things can still turn around even against all odds.

One thing I would incorporate if you aren't already is praying and fasting on top of what you are doing to divorce bust.

Kevin