You might be helpful to another lady here in Newcomers. Hope4Luv has a WAH who has mistreated her badly. I think she need's a male perspective on her stitch.
You asked what I meant by saying the A would probably crash & burn. I think your W turned to OM b/c she felt the excitement of those false in-love feelings (that you have had explained, so I won't repeat) and she feels "high" on that. But, just like her taking too many prescribed meds.....she is trying to cover-up her real pain and find a quick cure. The OM makes her feel better. He is giving her something she needs or she would not pursue the A. These types of R's rarely last b/c it has no solid foundation and is mostly built out of fantasy. Eventually, it will crash & burn......however, it doesn't mean that she will come running back to you when that happens. She could try to find another man to replace the last A. Sexual addition is what she will be vulnerable to now.
I believe a WAW who is in an A has to have something that causes some kind of shock value. They either have to experience what life on their own without the LBH and his support would be, or they have to see that other women are attracted to her H, or she has to realize that he has changed and that she is attracted to those changes. There has to be something that causes her to turn around and "see" him. That is why a lot of MR get stuck in limbo b/c she doesn't really see what she wants in her LBH. She may even stop her A and stay in the M.....but the R is in limbo b/c she is grieving over OM. She has to see that you are the "Prize" and not the consolation.
You don't "wait it out"......you fight for your M but you do it in a way that most LBH's think is opposite from what "should" be done. Your W is not the same anymore and she is not that girl in the 7th grade you fell for. That is sad and you may have to do some grieving over that......but you must stop thinking of her in that sense and believing she is going to snap out of her fog and come back to her old self. Something has to "draw" her back out of that fog and give her the ability to see that man she first fell in love with and wanting to M....in spite of what her family wanted and in spite of what society thought about it. You have overcome obstacles that some of us have never had to think about......and you can handle this also. You have an inner strength that you have to draw from that will get you where you need to be.
While you are going dark, you will be able to read your DR book, the threads here on the board, and be able to get your thoughts straighten out. Get your plan & set your goals and then start to work.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
