feel like giving up - talk to me!

[Ready2Change]

OK, Luv, your list sucks. Let's start again.

1. GAL I WILL finish my xmas shopping on Thursday, 12/18!
2. GAL I WILL gather my teens and take them caroling Thursday, 12/18! (LMAO - Picture this one happening. They would think you had gone insane! I know teens!)
3. GAL I WILL get a fresh mani/pedi, complete w/a cute little holly accent. (LOL)
4. lose weight (I WILL get off this computer, and my as$ long enough on Thursday, 12/18, to AT LEAST do a 3-mile walk!
5. buy new clothes I WILL go buy a new pair of skinny jeans, ONE SIZE TOO SMALL, to wear AFTER I lose my weight!
6. and GAL I WILL hire a hot trainer!

7. I will buy something nice for me at Victoria Secrets.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

and since I've been on both sides, I'll answer why for myself.

because I wanted it to be my H that was doing all the things the OM was doing.

ST, YOU, REALLY? (SHOCK!)

Didn't know...

HUGS

yep. it was a long time ago, and of all people I never thought it would be ME. it was before we were M, and while we had been engaged for like 2 or 3 years..him living in OK with his mom, and me living in KS with mine along with our oldest. long story short, because I wasn't getting my needs met, and didn't know how to PROPERLY communicate that to H, I allowed OM to meet those needs. I never ever meant for it to happen but it did. as a christian, I am just baffled that I allowed myself to fall for that trap, but I was in a fog, and I was totally confused and hurt and all that. He never found out until he asked me about it the day he wanted me back. another long story, you'll have to ask me on FB if you'd like.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

good job on the list.


AND, your going to start eating better so you don't have those headaches!!

[luvless]

You've been through alot ST - like most of us I'm sure. I appreciate the input.

Yeah - I'm gonna try to eat better I'm sure part of my consistent headache is from that. It's hard though - I remain sick to my stomach.

I can't sleep well either - this is just not fair.

[luvless]

OK, Luv, your list sucks. Let's start again.

1. GAL I WILL finish my xmas shopping on Thursday, 12/18!
2. GAL I WILL gather my teens and take them caroling Thursday, 12/18! (LMAO - Picture this one happening. They would think you had gone insane! I know teens!)
3. GAL I WILL get a fresh mani/pedi, complete w/a cute little holly accent. (LOL)
4. lose weight (I WILL get off this computer, and my as$ long enough on Thursday, 12/18, to AT LEAST do a 3-mile walk!
5. buy new clothes I WILL go buy a new pair of skinny jeans, ONE SIZE TOO SMALL, to wear AFTER I lose my weight!
6. and GAL I WILL hire a hot trainer!

LOL I know my list sucked - I was being sarcastic - It's taking everything I have to be happy. I live with the Grinch Who Stole Christmas!

[luvless]

Was just reading through the last few pages Luv. Reminded me of some painful times in my M, mostly pre-A. There are always friction and issues in relationships, and limits to everyone's tolerance. When As, MLCs, or suspicions thereof enter the picture, the pain can reach really bad levels.

I grew very resentful of the way W ignored my needs for a period of time. I'm the kind of guy that can take a lot and internalize it, and then lash out when it reaches breaking point. In our M, we went through periods of no sex, 3 of which lasted well over a year. (and let's just say we know the EXACT occasion when our 2 kids got conceived). I felt dirty having to ask my W and being rejected, and subsequently grew cold and even mean at times.

I brushed aside her needs in later years. And one day, I exploded and really took it out on her, how our M was dysfunctional and I could not go on like that. She panicked and begged me never to leave her, how she could not live without me. I was lashing out in frustration, so I told her as much amd backed down real fast. This was about 1+ year before her A.

Much later (in post-A recovery), she told me how that incident made her feel that I could actually leave her. We had both ignored each others' needs but it came as a revelation that what she saw as her sacrifices for the family could mean nothing to me. All these were small but significant contributions to what happened next, although her MLC and self-confessed period of madness (she can't face, much less explain, the person she became during that time) were major causes; plus OM was a very smooth predator. She told me one day she forgot about being a lover as a W, that being the organiser at home and a good mother was where she felt her contributions should end. Such a simple thing really, but it was so basic, so powerful, and it meant alot to me that she could come to this conclusion on her own.

I guess this is my long winded way of saying sure, GAL, hold your boundaries, communicate your needs ... but watch the resentment, and don't confuse actions coming from that with detachment. It's a lose-lose if the illwill continues to pile up for both you and the H.

Cheers.

Thanks for this Deep - It really made me think.

[luvless]

I will buy something nice for me at Victoria Secrets. [/quote]

Oh...I already did and hubby was with me last saturday. I was picking out a bra (looking for a 36d) and the salesgirl said, "...um are you sure..you look fuller than a d can I measure you?" my h was like, "she just wanted to feel your boobs" lol

[luvless]

UPDATE on last night - I had the itch to go out to a nice dinner and maybe dancing but the devil wasn't available lol (my party friends) so I ended up changing and going out to dinner with a girlfriend. She wanted to know about my sitch - she was shocked cuz she is a H fan. She used to think he was the greatest H and she is now divorced (her h left her for OW) so my H is now off the pedestal.

I waited for H to come home to see me leave and I said I was going shopping (I never go shopping at night) so I left for 2 hours. I came back and he said very few words to me - he went to bed without saying goodnight as usual. I go to bed asking God to help me sleep and forgive me for the resentment towards this man next to me.

I wake up this morning feeling so tired and drained. I felt like I haven't slept peacefully forever. H even said this morning "I am just not getting any sleep." I'm sure he is stressed too. Who wouldn't be? is the cheater actually feeling guilty?
(sorry being angry right there)

Ok...off to read you guys' stuff.

Luv

[mindfull]

Luv... Ick! Something's gotta' give here!

[motherof3]

Yeah - I'm gonna try to eat better I'm sure part of my consistent headache is from that. It's hard though - I remain sick to my stomach.

I can't sleep well either - this is just not fair.

Luv,

I was on the emotional diet at the beginning of my sitch and occasionally still am. I ended up losing too much weight and now am trying to put some weight back on. I would give anything to have my boobs and butt back.

Anyway, noticed a cycle that when I didn't eat I would get headaches, feel sick to stomach, not be able to get a restful night's sleep, and found myself being overly emotional. People at my work noticed and suggested I try drinking some type of energy drink to help me out until I got back on my feet. I have found that the Boost nutritional energy drink tastes the best (Chocolate flavor). Since I know I hadn't been eating well, this drink provided me with 26 vitamins and minerals plus some calories for more energy. Boy, I sound like a commercial. Maybe I can get an endorsement of some kind from then. It helped my headaches disappear, I seem to sleep better most nights, and my stomach doesn't have the empty pit feeling. I still drink one occasionally when I know I haven't been eating well.

Some food for thought. No pun intended.