Grrrr and Double Grrrr girl, I am not Bad Santa nor am I the King of Infidelity, but I am the recommender of illusion.
Lets look at it this way, lets use OB as an example, you have a cheating spouse who is playing all the cards to keep you in tow. You live in uncertainty. And to make matters worse, he/she/it sleeps with their cell phone under the pillow so the last thing they see at night is the OP's text saying 'I Love you, goodnight.' Triple Grrrr.
Would you believe for a second, that laying on the bed, covered partially in a sheet, biting on a rose with ELO's 'Do Ya Do Ya Want My Love!' playing on the CD recorder is going to flip the 'You know I do I love him switch?' Or waiting around supporting their personal journey of finding themselves through someone else's physical and emotional pleasure is going to help in recovering from their marital problems? Good luck with that.
It doesn't appear to work for people on this site, and it rarely works for the rest of the 50% of couples failing at their marriages. But if their spouses could see and feel what it is like to be walked-away on they would very well questions their intentions. And if they don't? Oh well, they are telling someone else they love them when their spouse haven't heard it in a year or two. Its then time you sought your own personal happiness.
I had myself a texting friend. We were the most flirtatious pair. I remember people telling me to stay away since she was easy pickins. Her husband worked out of town all week and came home to play golf. Poor poor woman, She was a lonely as it gets. And on top of that her husband was a jerk.
Well her husband caught on (they all do) and at first ineffectively put his foot down. She came back and we both continued to play the jealousy button. In the end her husband, found himself a local job, put his golf clubs away for the winter and they are working on their marriage. I wish them the best of luck. They deserve a second chance.
Illusion. The illusion you have given up. Take a good read at many of the people on this site. Don't look at what they write with this motherly 'I wish I could be there for you' attitude, but look closely at what their spouses are doing and ask why. In many many cases they did not like their situations. One thing we rarely read on this site is what it was like in the past for them. We only hear how bad the LBS is hurting. Well that WAW was hurting too. Lonely, disrespected, desperate for a solution. Maybe they read Divorce Busting in Barnes and Nobles on their lunch break and interpreted it as my 180 is to hit their jealousy button, show them I can no longer put up with this behavior, lifestyle, bullcrap facade of a marriage, I am going to pull out all the cards and show them what it feels like to be ignored and unwanted. There are many different scenarios, but the common thread is what they did worked to make their spouses realize they need to work on themselves and think about their marriage.
Reverse the situation when nothing else you have tried works. Create the illusion you have given up.
Originally Posted By: Wallace Stevens
The man bent over his guitar, A shearsman of sorts. The day was green.
They said, "You have a blue guitar, You do not play things as they are."
The man replied, "Things as they are Are changed upon the blue guitar."
And they said then, "But play, you must, A tune beyond us, yet ourselves,
A tune upon the blue guitar Of things exactly as they are."
