...In my case, that would translate to, "getting the ND partner to increase their desire is not the right approach". Well, then, I'm not sure I'm interested in what his approach is! Is it that I'm supposed to decrease my desire level? Or are we supposed to have fun together doing things besides sex? Which is what we've been doing for the last 10 years and it hasn't changed the sexual stalement one iota.
...Well fine, I have been embracing the struggle for 10+ years, and it has been a wonderful growth and learning experience, but it has resulted in NO SEX....
If I have not finished the PM book yet and so I don't feel qualified to explain it. As you point out there are elements that I too find hard to believe.
What I think that PM tries to do is view sex differently and as a way of gaining connection between a couple and yet embrace the basic conflict that two people have within a marriage. The author is also trained as a sex therapist and believes deeply that passionate sex within a committed relationship is critical for a marriage.
I haven't finished the PM book, but elements are interesting. While the LD or ND partner may not want sex, the PM is designed to cause them to view themselves and their sexuality differently and proposes exercises that stretch the LD/ND partner to feel uncomfortable and embrace that uncomfortableness in doing new things until they realize that what they just did, wasn't so evil/hurtful.
I am an engineer by training. As such, I know that there are many ways, not just one way, to solve most problems. I am struggling to learn about as many different ways to improve my SSM in the hopes that one of them will inspire me to figure out how to connect with my wife and move the relationship forward. I also know that some problems just can't be solved with the resources or time available.
My heart goes out to you. Good luck.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
