"When I dont see him, I dont get disappointed. I am calm."

But to a point this is a learned response.

To be clear this is not normal.

"I am not sure I miss him."

At this point in your life.. what is there to miss?

"Maybe a little bit."

You miss what "will" be.

He will stand up.. or he will "fall".

Only you can judge that.

Relax
Eat
Think
Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.