1. GAL 2. GAL 3. GAL 4. lose weight 5. buy new clothes 6. and GAL
Nice try Luv. #1, 2, 3, and 6 do not count. Be specific for us. Here let me help you out. How about some specifics like treating yourself to a hot luxurious bath or driving around to look at Christmas lights just to get out of the house? Go to a Starbucks buy a hot chocolate, spike it with peppermint schnapps, and sit to read a good smutty romance book. I am open to any other suggestions you might have.
You may not feel like it right now, but getting up, moving, and out of the house will do you some good.
(((Luv)))
Mo3
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
Was just reading through the last few pages Luv. Reminded me of some painful times in my M, mostly pre-A. There are always friction and issues in relationships, and limits to everyone's tolerance. When As, MLCs, or suspicions thereof enter the picture, the pain can reach really bad levels.
I grew very resentful of the way W ignored my needs for a period of time. I'm the kind of guy that can take a lot and internalize it, and then lash out when it reaches breaking point. In our M, we went through periods of no sex, 3 of which lasted well over a year. (and let's just say we know the EXACT occasion when our 2 kids got conceived). I felt dirty having to ask my W and being rejected, and subsequently grew cold and even mean at times.
I brushed aside her needs in later years. And one day, I exploded and really took it out on her, how our M was dysfunctional and I could not go on like that. She panicked and begged me never to leave her, how she could not live without me. I was lashing out in frustration, so I told her as much amd backed down real fast. This was about 1+ year before her A.
Much later (in post-A recovery), she told me how that incident made her feel that I could actually leave her. We had both ignored each others' needs but it came as a revelation that what she saw as her sacrifices for the family could mean nothing to me. All these were small but significant contributions to what happened next, although her MLC and self-confessed period of madness (she can't face, much less explain, the person she became during that time) were major causes; plus OM was a very smooth predator. She told me one day she forgot about being a lover as a W, that being the organiser at home and a good mother was where she felt her contributions should end. Such a simple thing really, but it was so basic, so powerful, and it meant alot to me that she could come to this conclusion on her own.
I guess this is my long winded way of saying sure, GAL, hold your boundaries, communicate your needs ... but watch the resentment, and don't confuse actions coming from that with detachment. It's a lose-lose if the illwill continues to pile up for both you and the H.
Cheers.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
1. GAL I WILL finish my xmas shopping on Thursday, 12/18! 2. GAL I WILL gather my teens and take them caroling Thursday, 12/18! (LMAO - Picture this one happening. They would think you had gone insane! I know teens!) 3. GAL I WILL get a fresh mani/pedi, complete w/a cute little holly accent. (LOL) 4. lose weight (I WILL get off this computer, and my as$ long enough on Thursday, 12/18, to AT LEAST do a 3-mile walk! 5. buy new clothes I WILL go buy a new pair of skinny jeans, ONE SIZE TOO SMALL, to wear AFTER I lose my weight! 6. and GAL I WILL hire a hot trainer!
Last edited by mindfull; 12/17/0902:49 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
