Moving on with my life!

[K4D]

He just sent a text:
"I will have your cs check tomorrow. Give baby a kiss for me. Don't think I will make it today."

Hmmm....obviously not happy. Sorry about you being mad at having to support your child.

If you bring a child into the world, you have to support that child until they can support themselves. That is what he chose to do. Glad he is realizing that.

Try not to let it bother you. At least he is paying the support he owes and good for you for not letting him get out of it. The baby needs it.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

I just don't understand why he doesn't get that. For whatever reason he feels he is giving ME the money to go blow on clothes, shopping or something stupid. My first exh sorta feels the same way. His hand practically shakes when he gives it to me.

[K4D]

I'm sure it hurts financially to write that check every month. But it is an 18 year responsibility once the deed is done that they have to be accountable for. I am not sure why they don't see that either.

Kevin

[S.T. _I Made It!]

why do you think he is obviously not happy? there was nothing said..and obviously I'm sure he'd feel relieved if you had said it was okay. The reason he doesn't ask the other exw is because that woman has already laid out her boundaries, and either he is scared of her, or knows already she would never let him out of it. AND, because he is closer to you, it is ALWAYS easier to ask the closer person than the other.

for ex. my mom is single, and never had much money, and my dad on the other hand did have better money, but I was close to my mom, so I always asked her...I'm talking when I was in my 20s and not living with her.

So, I think your reading too much into his text.

When he brings the check I think you have a great opportunity. Because I think it will cause much havoc when/if you sign the papers (you hear stories all the time, and even though it's protecting the single parent, the other person is caught off guard, and getting those papers essentially tells them that they are not trust worthy...why would anyone feel good about getting served those papers???)

SOOO, my point is, if he does bring in this money, I would do this...

"exh, I want you to know, I am very appreciative of your promptness in paying the cs, it is so important for baby and I and I know it's not easy for you. I am so glad that I do not have to file for garnishment, because I know I can trust that you will do everything that you can to pay it. Thank you"

now, don't you think this would help him want to pay it?? plus, you've given a little tidbit in regards to the garnishment, so he knows it's in your mind, that it might be a resort that you will do if he doesn't pay promptly.

just MHO.

[Startingover2]

why do you think he is obviously not happy? there was nothing said..and obviously I'm sure he'd feel relieved if you had said it was okay. The reason he doesn't ask the other exw is because that woman has already laid out her boundaries, and either he is scared of her, or knows already she would never let him out of it. AND, because he is closer to you, it is ALWAYS easier to ask the closer person than the other.

The reason he pays ExW1 is because he works for her dad, her sister is the bookkeepter for the business, and the sister also pays his bills. She makes sure exw1 gets her money. I am the optional payment I guess which makes me sick. ExW1 has a Mercedes, BMW, Suburban, and a huge home provided by her new husband. I am the single mother here!

Haven't heard a word from exh since that text today. Saw his D15 at the match and she was friendly and nice, sat with me and baby for awhile.

My son pinned his guy in 32 seconds! Proud momma moment.

[K4D]

Haven't heard a word from exh since that text today. Saw his D15 at the match and she was friendly and nice, sat with me and baby for awhile.

My son pinned his guy in 32 seconds! Proud momma moment.

Can't ask for better than that.

Kevin

[bright_new_day]

I need to get those garnishment papers. Just need to get out of town to do it.

:::ding-ding-ding::: Right answer!!!!!!!!!

[Startingover2]

Kev: Yeah it was a good night. Find the good things that we do have.

BND: Gotta get those papers. The first 10 months were fine and he was on time with the payments. In June he wanted to skip so he could buy his d15 a 8th grade grad present! Since then, they have been later and later and with more excuses. I think he sucked it up for awhile as he thought eventually he would get time with baby and it would be lowered. I have her 24/7 so its quite high. Well, since I put the kabosh on that he isn't real willing to pay that amount.

He started texting pretty late last night and some things that were not real clear so I imagine he may have been drinking. Makes me really sad when I see that. Just from that, things can't change between us. When he has a bad day or things get hard he drinks to numb himself. I know last night was supposed to be his night with his girls and his D15 said her mom was picking her up so she wasn't with him last night either. That bugs him as well. He is supposed to have them 3 nights a week. Lucky to have them 1 or 2 now...and that is just the younger one. The oldest d15 avoids it at all costs.

[25yearsmlc]

S2,
Get your helmet on b/c you need a serious 2 x 4...


Child support is not up to you. It's for the child. What right do you have to decide whether she should get the support from her father to which SHE is entitled? The court & state trust that you will see that she is cared for and that means getting the C/S as efficiently as possible and I would NOT Even start a div sitch OR a sep without making sure the funds would be there and if they weren't, a garnishment would be the "Easiest" thing to do so HE doesn't have to remember to pay or get an envelope and stamp or drive over blah blah blah EASIEST FOR ALL CONCERNED...OH, but then you don't get to SEE HIM?

If anything, forcing this might make your X h respect you a tad more (or a lot more) since you would be putting your child's needs ahead of your own terror of "losing him" (as if you guys are working on things IN your m) and your need for contact with him RADIATES...

Get a garnishment if he is ever late. OH, what's that? HE HAS BEEN LATE SEVERAL TIMES AND YOU DID WHAT?? Nothing??? Dang, that tells me all I need to know...

I met a woman who proudly told me she "never took a cent from her X h for child support"...gee, how wonderful. Her children lived in squalor but hey, SHE never took a cent from their father?!! Isn't she great?? Why didn't she refuse ALIMONY but still accept CHILD support? Child support wasn't HERS to turn down.
Who was she to turn THEIR money down? Why'd she do that?

B/C HER pride was HER motivation, and her vindictiveness against the kids' dad b/c he didn't get to see them. THEY Suffered b/c of HER choice and HER pride. Not one of them went to college and only one finished high school. They were tired of wearing crappy shoes, living in public housing and being hungry. One enlisted and the others are still on welfare --but away from HER...30 years later they still suffer from their horrid upbringing and poverty. They could have had more but thanks to HER pride and belief that it was all up to HER, they didn't.

Learn something here. This isn't YOUR money YOU are debating. You are so afraid of upsetting your already DIVORCED h, that your fears are causing you to risk money that does not belong to you. It is your child's funds and life style you are risking and To what end?

And the irony of it all, is that although you have the tiniest chance of a reconciliation with your X h, it would first require him seriously changing his ways and his life, and imo, you do the exact opposite of what could spark that into happening. He has not lost you. SO why would he miss what he still has? He can and does do whatever he wants, except what he's forced to do and even that, he barely does-- and with an attitude. And you enable it every time...amazing. What do you think that does for your "cause" Your GAL or your recon or your detachment? (remember that word? WE use it for a reason) How does that move you towards a future with OR without him?
You have been in this situation a LONG time....way way too long...OMG...
What is up with that? MAKE HER the priority in your life, and not your boozing XXXXXXXXX h.

j-

[Startingover2]

Wow. Yeah.

I guess I haven't garnished yet because I was hoping for the best. Maybe wrong of me, but I was. I don't think its bad to try and find the best in people. I am not a confrontational person by nature anyway. Call it a bad thing if you wish and maybe that makes me a doormat.

I told him no. I didn't say yes. He is bringing the check today. I realize that money is for baby and not me.