Bunny - you said: "I was telling my friend here about last night and feeling low, and while doing so, I heard someone else mutter under their breath "give me a f***g break!"."
I have to share a story similar to this.
I was at a family function for Thanksgiving, very very large family (50 people). I wandered into the kitchen to find something, and while I was in there, I notice these HUGE HUGE pots and pans and other dishes, etc...because cooking for 50 people uses a lot of dishes and cookware. This function was held at a fraternity lodge-type place, with a big communal kitchen. However, I knew that us family would all have to pitch in to clean, so when I saw this mess, I said under my breath "what a MESS!" Then I found what I needed and left the kitchen.
I did not notice this, but my sister-in-law and her best friend (who was always invited to family things) were standing in a corner in the kitchen talking.
About a year later, some topic came up about my sister-in-law's best friend, a party she was having or something. I inquired about it because I like this gal and was hoping I was invited. My SIL said "well, I'm not sure you are invited...she thinks you don't like her". I'm like...."what? WTF? I've always liked her, why would she have that impression at all? I've always been nice to her, always inquired after her, WTF?" My SIL said she didn't know why the friend had that impression, so I asked her to ask her friend about the "why" of it all, and also told her to tell her that I DO like her and care about her and hope she will realize that.
Later after SIL had talked to friend to ask why she thinks I don't like her, it turned out that when I wandered into the kitchen, not even seeing the two women talking to each other and muttered "what a MESS!", well apparently the friend had thought I said "what a MENACE!" and thought I was talking about HER being a menace.
When SIL first told me this, I didn't even remember the part I had muttered under my breath, so I was dumbfounded. I don't think I've ever called anyone a menace in my entire life, its not a word I use often. I certainly would never call this woman a menace even if I didn't like her! It is just an odd word to use.
I wracked my brain around this for days and days, and finally I dimly remembered muttering "what a MESS!"
Sigh...
So when I remembered this, I told SIL the story, but by then, the friend had already written me off for calling her a menace. I just told SIL to please believe me and please ask her friend to believe me, but I knew there was nothing more I could do. The friend was convinced I had called her a "menace" (sigh, if you knew me it be funnier, as this is just not my style in any way), and forever after I was labled with "not liking SIL's friend". I actually never saw her again, as I got divorced a few years later, and this was a friend of my ex-h's sister.
To this day, I keep this story close in my mind, so that I can remember a couple of things:
1. Even when you think you know something is about you, sometimes its not. Unless someone says something to ME DIRECTLY, I will not assume they have said something about me.
2. Don't mutter things under my breath under any circumstances, as it is very easy for others to feel it is about them!
So my point is...I doubt that the "give me a friggin' break" was even about you...that person was possibly reading something and was talking about that.
I think that you are so battered and torn down about this whole situation that you are bound to feel paranoid, lost, forgotten, or ostrasized. These are normal feelings in your situation.
I can't remember, did you say if you are still attending IC? Also, do you have any close girlfriends or a sister you could hang out with a lot in the next couple of weeks? You need to be surrounded by people who love you.
As for the house and the kids and the husband and the tree...honey, I know this is very very hard. But each time it is hard, remember your "hell night" and ask yourself if this is harder than that night? Then mentally picture a future that is better for you, one which you enjoy.
Keep remembering that all of us have been in that lonely place you are in before...you are not alone, we can all help you and talk you through it. But you need real life help, too.
NOT socializing in bars, NOT dating. You need support, not physical affection. I know you miss that too, but that will come easy for you when the time is right.
