K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

You were expecting her position to be that she was intentionally taking advantage of you. It's like how you keep expecting her family to have some kind of underlying motivation to ask you to join them for things.

She probably just asked you for a favor. But this like so many of the other instances, you read into the smallest things. Like when she said she was home but you thought she wasn't. Who cares? You're just torturing yourself.

Ok. I honestly didn't read into anything with the lightbulbs until it was brought up about not doing it and some cake eating talk today. But I can concede if you want me to.

Go out and get a lady companion to get your mind off of her if you can't do it by now. It's been almost two years and I don't think you can't be co-dependant. I think you need someone there to take care of you or to say that what you're doing is okay.

14 months. But who is counting. A lady would help take my mind off of things somewhat, but I would feel guilty inside like I am doing something I shouldn't be doing. Tried it.

Again, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you're going to insist on standing or whatever, then make a plan and do something about it rather than analyzing everything your W is doing.

It is just hard.

Whatever happened to your GAL. And let me tell you, hanging out with a priest (although great) and people from the DB boards, does not constitute GAL. What have you done that doesn't involve the R with your W?

I guess GAL lately has fallen by the wayside. I haven't been dancing in a while. I have actually made another friend that I have been trying to help keep calm and help him see the positives in his situation. I went over to his place this past Saturday night and played some board games with him and his friend and had a good time. I have also been trying to keep things up around my place and trying to bring in the Christmas spirit there with my girls.

I also helped out at the church some trying to get the new church and house for the priest fixed and set up.

I have also been helping out another friend who is just getting screwed left and right by her H in court for a D that she has been trying to prevent. That is quite a story she is living. So I have been trying to help her.

But you are correct in that talking with my priest and on the boards does not constitute getting a life. I even let excercising fall by the wayside and I am trying to get back on that again.

There isn't much I haven't done that doesn't have anything to do with the R with my W.

I am thinking about getting my cert like I said earlier, but of course for 2 reasons. One it would further my career and bring in more money, and two, maybe having a better career would be more attractive to my W since she does seem to put importance on that.

Oh, and 25, whatever my reasons were, it still boils down to the fact that I did pass the job onto my W. But I don't disagree with what you said about my reasons for doing it at the time as I had said that as well and am not disputing it. But it was still passed onto my W none the less.

Kevin