h is in mlc, now threatening divorce...

[Gnosis]

ask if dad had called with news of coming home...yes, im gonna pick him up in about an hour...great

Yes that IS great!!

i have asked a few times over the last 3 months)

That's good news.

problem...i ask him if he is gonna hang out with the girls when he and my dad get back...

I thought we agreed you wouldn't ask him what he is going to be doing...???

BLOWS UP...he assumed i meant was he staying here...DID NOT ASK THAT!!!didnt even refer to it...

He blew up because of your past track record. Nothing you can do about that.

goes OFF on me he doesnt want to be married.....after the first of the year...

Yeah... yeah... yeah... just ignore. Even if he files its going to take some time before the D is final. RELAX. There's still plenty of time. Actually it may be good for him to file. Shocked? Don't be. It will give him a sense of control and allow him to build up some self-esteem.

continues to tell me the suffocated, trapped feelings...

and I hope you validated each and every one of them with, "I hear you." "I understand how you could feel that way..." etc.

is proud of my changes ( so he DOES see some)...however he CAN NOT AND WILL NOT take the chance ...it will all revert back...he needs to be his own person

Blah, blah, blah... The important thing is he SEES your changes. COOL! He doesn't believe them? He, he, he... you keep doing what's working... keep the changes up.

EVERYTHING he has done over the past 10 years has been to make me happy and he cant do it anymore...

I can relate to him. Validate his feelings. Contrary to popular belief... he IS taking this hard. He feels like he's been pushed into a corner.

that i have no idea i am not a man... family all depends on him...food,house,money health insurance cars. he went on... the pressure, the responsibilities...

Here's the brutal truth Lost. You don't. You have NO IDEA how important it is for a man to be able to provide for his family. THIS IS THE SUPREME SOURCE of his frustration.

You should have said and will say when he brings this up again: "You're right. I couldn't possibly understand the entire extent of the pressure you're under. However I'm beginning to. How can I help you relieve some of this stress? What can I do to help you?"

i made the mistake of asking him not to make such big decisions due to his medical issues...

I'm glad you realized your mistake. DON'T DO THIS AGAIN. To him you sound like his mother and treating him like a boy by telling him what to do.

PLEASE PLEASE steer me on what to do...i have that pit in my stomach again.

RELAX.
Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them.
Keep doing what you've been doing.
Nothing's changed.

one thing he said that REALLY bothers me is that i was expecting him to move back home...never said or implied anything...what??

Avoid saying ANYTHING like that again.