The last few days I have been feeling invisible, disposable and in the overall scheme of things, I don't count for much.
Your feelings displayed above can directly be attributed to years of being put down, and where your H kept you in your relationship.
You can't see this now, but we can. In some time, you will look back and KNOW that this was a false statement.
You DO count for much, but it's going to take time, reflection, and work from you.
Work ON yourself, and FORyourself and not others!
Don't be afraid of that! Tt will be enlightening to find the real Bunny again, or for the first time find the real Bunny!
She is a strong women, who doesn't need others validation to know who she is, and where she is going, and what she wants out of life. She's taking the first steps already, and won't be living her life in fear!
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H bitched at me a week ago when I told a friend/neighbor that I have moved out because there "was no need to broadcast" our situation.
Let him bitch all he wants, what he says holds no power over you anymore. Keep repeating that. To bad he is annoyed with you talking to someone. Ask him if it sucks to feel like he is no longer in control of what you do or say! (*You probably shouldn't really ask him that, but ask him that in your head!*)
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I was unable to reach the kids by phone, and I have no idea when to expect to see them because they won't commit- their schedules are moment to moment. I have a christmas tree to put up but no motivation to do so if I have no one to share it with.
This is going to be tough for you, but you have every right to have YOUR kids around you for some part of the time also. BE VERY AWARE, YOUR H MAY TRY AND USE THEM AS A CONTROL AND MANIPULATION TACTIC BY NOT LETTING YOU SEE THEM. I Don't doubt for a second this man may attempt that, and your the one that is going to have to do something about it!
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It hit home that I'm isolated when I was at the house on Sunday and saw that H and the kids had received about 15 Christmas cards, and I hadn't gotten any. That hurt- especially when I saw one from my aunt. (She did send me one too- it arrived Monday, the next day).
I'll tell you this right now, most people outside your R know nothing about this man, they know the 'face' that he puts up to them. Do they know he's a manipulating SOB who repeatedly put his W into things she didn't want to do, berates her on a regular basis, insinuating that she is dumb, and other crap ad nasueum.. NO!
You are going to hear things like "Why did she leave such a nice guy?" and a whole boatload of BS, and it is just that [b]BS[/] because no one has lived it but you, and you know this.
You will find some support, you have found it here as a start. Find your counselor and ask him/her to help you find support group for abused women.
Baby steps Bunny, but you will find the strength, and get through this. Take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time to start to move through this.
You didn't ask for this. You didn't want this to happen to you, and it's not your fault!
Repeat that yourself also, while you take these baby steps..
