His A has been over for the three months and, yes, I am sure of that. He has been in withdrawal, but I don't know to what extent at this point and I don't want to ask. He has been in counseling since they broke up (I get the EOBs so I know he is going regularly) and for the first time is being honest with his counselor and me. He has told me things about the A and his feelings which he knows are painful for me to hear and that is a first. He is also very different this time. He is feeling and addressing his emotions for the first time in his life.
He came over and we had the best talk we have ever had. We talked at length about mistakes we made in our R, how we were feeling, etc. He never felt loved as a child or a young adult, so he starting seeking something to fill the emptiness inside him. Hence, the affairs. He wondered if "this is all there is" in our marriage and I wondered the same thing. However, I turned to the marriage and he turned away from it. We didn't make it a priority and eventually just became roommates. We rarely fought (which we now realize wasn't good) and he realizes now that he just bobbed along the water instead of speaking up. He just went along with things and let his resentment fester, in every aspect of his life.
He believes he won't cheat again and hates that he hurt so many people. He apologized to my sister. Says he wants a healthy, happy marriage, preferably with me. But I don't think he knows how he feels about me, whether he loves me or not. He is deathly afraid of things going back to the way they there, as am I! But I said we are different now, we realize things now, and we are working on ourselves. The old marriage is dead as it should be. This is the most open and sharing I have ever seen him.
He is going to talk with his counselor tonight about an action plan. However, we discussed that he needs to focus on fixing himself right now and he said his plate is full with that. I only hope that after he works on himself he realizes we were great together once and could be even better again. It is rare that things can turn around, but it does happen. He also said he wants to come back for the right reasons, not due to financial concerns. I decided not to date anyone else since it won't help me or us.
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
