Quote: K, do you have a history of self sabotage? Am asking, because I sure do. You said something about getting anxious when things start to go well and also something about wanting to push him away or start something. That's why I am asking this.
My old habit of self sabotage..came from low self esteem and insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. I didn't feel I deserved anything good or worthwhile in my life and so messed things up for myself all the time. I did this through my drinking, am recovering alcoholic, and through other behaviors. I have been wrestling with this of late, although sober now, feeling like things aren't good enough, wanting more, wanting to fix the sitch completely...and have all perfect now! So, what to do? Stop, breathe, and relax. Look at all the progress that has been made to date. Focus on good things in R...remember how bad it was...and then realize how much better it has gotten...focus on progress not perfection...
I read this, I can't remember to who, but OMG, I can so relate to this...and I think my H played on this as I would never stand up to him...his anger scared me. He did soo many things said so many things that really made me steam, internally and I just took it, I never got mad back...I was afraid he would leave me or he would hit me and then it WOULD have been over..yes I think if I pushed hard enough my H would take a swing. And, it didn't matter, that I didn't get mad back or that I didn't stand up becuase he left anyway.
Now I'm getting over this fear, trying to be stronger and not sabatoge my happiness. I am worth something, I am worthy of love and happiness.
Thanks Alaskangal for making me see this about me, also
