Yes, the planters are for next spring. He put bulbs in them so we would get tulips late in April, early in May...I am in Homer, Alaska...sheltered by Kachemak Bay...they call us the "Bananna Belt" of the Kenai Peninsula. I do still have roses on my rose bushes...and some perennials out back of the house...but things are dying quickly.
Quote: .so, any ideas what to do for him? He's a sports nut, hard worker, conservative, Republican, (very much my opposite in many ways!) down to Earth, educated but countryish farm-boy homestead type....loves art, mission style furniture, ME , and my son, cooking, food, an occaisional beer, his job as an instrument technician, his folks, etc....
Any creative ideas out there?
how bout taping a show he likes to watch that he may not be able to see while away? or watching or listening to one of 'his' shows and telling him about it.
or make plans for something special (asside from sex) when he comes home that he can look forward too...relating to one of his interests, a sporting event or political debate or something like that.
LL, good ideas! Maybe I will see what sporting events are going on in Anchorage and see if I can get tickets to something...I know that UAA has a hockey team and the Sullivan Arena has Thursday or Friday Night Tough Man's Fights...that way we could get away for an evening together. Also, I just remembered we have a coupon somewhere for a free night in a cabin in Cooper's Landing...a little out of the way place on the highway between here and Anchorage....we could spend a night and go hiking the next day! Thanks for the nudge in the right direction.
Had a kid/adult Halloween get together. H was at work. Had some AA friends and neighbors and son's friends over after trick or treating for spooky movies, chili, tacos, and treats. H called and I was really busy playing hostess...asked him if I could just talk to him tomorrow and he seemed a bit miffed...but hey, if he's jealous, that's a good thing right? In one way, anyway. Tonight plan to give him my undivided attention when he calls. I refuse however to give up a healthy social life when he is gone....I need people around and enjoy playing the hostess. H doesn't need social contact like I do, so h doesn't really understand. Comments?
I do not see any problem with that. When you talk today, just tell him you missed talking to him yesterday, but you had your friends from AA and family there and would have liked to have more time. Ignore the hint of jelousy.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I can't remember exactly which posts and exactly what you said in them, but I seem to remember several things you've said that made me think your H is still holding some big fears/resentments from your drinking days.
He seems to feel threatened by your contact with others. Is it simple jealousy? Does he have a knee-jerk reaction that your relationships with others will lead you back to drinking? Did he have any suspicions that YOU were having an affair back then?
I'm just throwing out some possible scenarios. Only he really knows what is bugging him, but you can get him to talk about it, maybe you could make some amends that would put him more at ease.
H often accused me of having affairs and was very insecure due to my drinking. I have to walk a cautious line...trying not to allow him to get too threatened and also not isolating to keep him content. He would prefer no social contact at all...he's pretty much a loner, except for hanging out with family. I, on the otherhand, love people and social events, and being on the go! He at one point in our relationship did try to keep me isolated all the time and I allowed it, but then my drinking started again and got worse...I went out on binges that were a mixture of drinking and needing social contact. So, it's important for me to have friends and attend or host social gatherings that don't include alcohol....that way I still get my needs met for social contact. I guess I need to explain this to him...he gets so weird about me going and doing things...even if it is with sober friends.
I refuse however to give up a healthy social life when he is gone....I need people around and enjoy playing the hostess. H doesn't need social contact like I do, so h doesn't really understand. Comments?