trying hard to figure things out

[MichelleLT]

If you contact him right now, he will sense that you are trying to get him back. It will push him further away. It will increase his guilt.

You have to get to a point of no expectations.

When you are ready, maybe put together an e-mail apologizing for how you reacted on IM. That's the first step to reestablishing contact. Without that, he won't have anything to say to you.