Question

[Lucky11too]

This is how every "surprise" went. H would "plan" something and then he would say something like he didn't have anything planned so I would say forget it and he would get mad. I would get disappointed and that would be it.

Omg, I know I totally get that. I always just wanted H to plan something and follow thru with it, but it always ended in disappointment. I think the only time he did that successfully was when he proposed to me!

It's ok not to get it. I doubt he gets it himself. He sounds like a very torn man. He obviously has strong feelings for you, hence why he married and had a son with you, but has this wandering need for OW's (still not acceptably though. Many men have controlled this urge b/c its the right and loving thing to do - our H's need to learn this and soon!) But anyways, definitely a good thing that he wants to spend time with you and just you (family time is good too, but like you told me, couple time is just as if not more important to foster your R). And it's a good reminder to you that he's not in it just for the family. But try not to let him get to you too much. I know you've been waiting for so long for this anniversary to come. Give him a chance to prove himself to you, but unfortuantely as it goes, also be prepared for the fact that he may let you down again. I don't know what his motives are behind this but it seems like a positive direction. The more "us" time you two have together, the more he has a chance to see what a great person you are and the life he is missing. It is all overwhleming but you did good by not overreacting to H. You gave him the reins and now it's up to him...

Oooo, I love breakfast for dinner. Haven't had that for awhile. Need to to that again soon! =) Enjoy!

[awest1217]

The anniversary and vacation would be a family thing so still no "us" time, but that is ok. We at least will be together so that is good. I am very sick and text H because I am not doing well. I think I have a UTI, but I am also extremely fatigued, back hurts, feel in a fog, and just feel like I could sleep forever. I text H because I am worried. He was concerned like I am. Hopefully it is nothing, but we will see.

[Lucky11too]

Oh, gotcha. Still good that he wants to spend time with you guys though. It's hard to have couple time when you have a young S. I know how that goes. Sometimes my parents have been able to watch S for me, but I know how hard it is to get away, especially when S is so attached. So sorry to hear that you are sick. Hope it is nothing and that you feel better soon!

[awest1217]

Well good news with S. He has gone on the potty twice today! Soon I will have around $40 more because no more diapers!

[awest1217]

Alright...so last night H came over because he wanted to and because of me not feeling well. I am doing better so that is good, but still some small side effects. I said that I needed diapers for S so H said we could all go and get them. He then took us to a small italian restaurant. It was more fancy than we thought, but it was really nice. The conversation was light and I always made sure to keep it going. A couple of times I caught H's eye and once I think I saw a glimmer of love that I once did. H then stayed at the house until 10pm which was awesome. We watched some TV together while S slept and just had fun. (The only side note is I know that OW was with her husband because it was his birthday yesterday so H might have been using us as a distraction).

Then this morning...I am driving to work and the car stops working, and the check engine light comes on. I am just past where H is living so I call. He tells me to turn the car off and start it again to see if the light is still on. I then get a little upset because I am already upset about the car (long history of car problems and I thought with getting a newer one it wouldn't happen anymore). I wanted H to say I am on my way. Not tell me how to fix it. So the car starts to at least work again although the light is on, and I tell H I will take it to the mechanic and don't worry about me because I will be fine. I dropped S off at school and started towards work. On the way, H calls and asks where I am. He said to pull over, so I did. He then switched cars with me and said he would take it in after work because I had a longer way to drive and didn't want the car to keep breaking down on me. I started to cry and he asked why. I just said I was upset. Later he called to see if I was ok and why I was crying. I said because of the car and the expense and because he didn't just come right away. He said he was on his way right away, but wanted me to try some things first just in case. HE said he has always wanted to be the one to have to miss work to help his wife. He wants to be my husband and take care of me. Not me blow him off and call my family to help instead of him. HE wants to be the one to help me. I said I understand that, but he isn't home yet. OW is still in the picture and I although I want him to be the one to always take care of me. He may not be there. He just said that he understood where I am coming from.

I then thanked him a ton and left it at that. THe car is fine. I just screwed the gas cap on incorrectly...which made me feel dumb for overreacting and crying, but it was awesome to have H come to the rescue.

Another side note, H isn't talking to the first ever OW as much as he was, which is good, but since she has come back, he has started to do things on the internet again like he used to so she is a bad influence. I checked his iPod for that information. I understand...don't snoop, but he won't tell me otherwise. I just need to know the truth, and he needs to admit to everything before we can really move on.

[Lucky11too]

So lots of good progress on your end with S and H! That's exciting about S's potty training! I can't wait for that day. =P haha. Glad your car is ok, but too bad you had to deal with that. I hate car issues! But on the other hand, it did give H a chance to step up. I know he didn't come as quickly as you would have liked, but he did come and he was there for you when you needed him. As much as you wanted him to come right away, it does make since to try a few things first in case it was nothing. I know words are just words, but it's really awesome that he's saying that he wants to be your H and be there completely for you. It also gave you a chance to remind him of the boundaries you've set reagrding OW and coming home - he can't be there for you if OW is still in the picture. Good job!

Regarding the spying, I have to admit, I agree with you on this one. I know it's not good to overfoucs on that b/c it can tend to eat you alive, but on the other hand, with our H's lying pasts, you need to know whether they are being honest with you now, so that you can move forward with the M. I want to believe everything H tells me, but at this point, it would just be foolish. He needs to prove he can be trusted again, and unfortunately for them, trust is a hard thing to gain back.

Good luck tomorrow! Any further news on the trip or other anniversary plans?

[awest1217]

Nothing told to me yet about any plans. H is very excited though about whatever he has planned Saturday. He just keeps saying "I'm not telling you". It is cute because he never gets to surprise me because I pick-up on everything so he usually slips something and I figure it out (I don't snoop). He has also talked about a vacation, but no plans yet. Just talking. I keep giving him the reins because I know I can't afford one.

I did ask H for dinner tomorrow. I will make something...any suggestions on food that is not italian? I know I probably shouldn't have asked, but he is focused on Saturday and instead of me sulking because I didn't see him on our anniversary, I decided to do something about it and ask. He said ok so that was good. It was a little hesitant which I didn't really like, but he said yes. Now I am just trying to decide when to give him his gift. I don't want him to read the card with me there because I don't want to see his reaction (whether nothing or cries or whatever). I am thinking about leaving it in his car tonight after work before we switch back. I just have to write in the card quickly. We will see.

[Lucky11too]

That is cute about Saturday. It will be exciting to find out what he has planned!

If you get a chance to write the card, that's a good idea to leave it in the car. That way he can kind of digest it over the night and then it puts him back in the reins for how he wants to handle tomorrow. Sometimes it's good to take the lead and since he's planning Saturday, it gives you a chance to offer something back.

As for dinner ideas, hmmm. Two of my favority single working mom meals (super easy but tasty):
1) Chicken Parmesan (sorry, it's italian). Just take chicken breasts, dip in beat egg then in italian breadcrumbs (they come in canisters at the grocery store). Place in dish, put a slice of Mozzarella cheese on top, cover in spaghetti sauce, and bake (I think it's like 425 degrees for 20 mins?, but keep an eye on it).
2) Crock Pot Chicken tacos - Place like 2 frozen chicken breasts in a crockpot, pour a jar of salsa on top, turn on low, bake all day (it's pretty flexible, but approx 8 hours). Just shread the chicken and serve with taco toppings.

But if you're looking for something a little more fancy, a simple chicken cordon blue could be good. Just pound defrosted chicken breasts thin, place ham and mozzarella cheese on chicken and roll. Put a tooth pick into them to keep in place and bake. (Just check a coobbook or online for cooktimes)

And if you don't use these ideas tomorrow, they're always good to keep in mind for everyday meals - simple yet tasty.

Good luck tomorrow!

[awest1217]

Thanks for the ideas Lucky! I am going to go with steak. I have it in the freezer and H loves how I prepare it so I think that is the way to go. Plus it is easy because I can marinade it starting today and just cook it tomorrow with mashed potatoes and probably beans.

I didn't get a chance to write in the card before we switched cars so I think I am going to drop it off tomorrow before he goes to work so he have some time with his thoughts and what I wrote without worrying about his reaction or anything like that. Plus I don't think he got me anything so it won't be awkward.

One good thing I did...I had H's car and his garage opener to the house he is staying at. I couldn't get into the house because the garage is detached, but I thought about seeing if there is a key somewhere for OW, but I DIDN'T. I really wanted to, but I stopped the urge and just kept on to home.

[Lucky11too]

Good job resisting the urge. Steak sounds like a good idea - men and steak - always a good combination. haha. Good luck tomorrow! Praying for the best! =)