The adventure chronicles

[Dia]

You have every right to feel threatened. She threatened you!

IMHO, this is how to go. IF you think there is a shot at reconciliation, tell you you will discuss the FB issue in MC with her, and you will abide by the MC's recommendation. If the MC says you should drop the friend, you will. In return, she will discuss the possible need for IC in MC with you. If the MC recommends IC for her, she will. Tell her it's in the spirit of compromise.

I will add more later this evening if you like. Gotta run atm!.

[P17]

Ok, she called again, told me that if I didn't take the woman of FB she was going to file this time and that she wasn't playing. She also said she was going to stop paying child support until the court ordered her to do so?

I was kind of wavering about whether you should just take this woman off or not but you can't do it now. No way. She is playing a game. If you let her win, you've had it.

At that point I got pissed. I said, ok that's fine, don't pay, you can answer for that one later on too. She said she felt like she was paying too much. Ok, got it. We'll see what the court has to say.

Good, take it out of her hands.

She then went on to say that she felt like there wasn't a need right now for her to pay child support. I asked how she figured that one out? [/quote]

Bad. Don't get into a discussion about this. CS is a legal AND moral obligation. Why debate it with her. Somebody who tells you she is not paying for her kids because you have a friend on FB is not quite with the rest of us here on planet normal. No point arguing with her. She won't listen, you'll get frustrated and ... well you know the rest.

So she asked, where's it going? I said, well, let's see the money goes to pay for her food, clothing and shelter.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. She left. What are you explaining how you bring your kids up at home? When she left, she left that responsibility too. She pays maintenance, you take care of the kids the best you can and spend that money wisely. End of story.

She said, well, we'll have to see what my lawyer has to say about that. And, btw, she's expensive and always wins. Ok, got it I said. (a veiled threat perhaps?)

Veiled, but not thinly. We have a saying over here in Scotland which is the same ... it's called the 'Man dad's bigger than your dad' argument and usually comes out in a kids fight when somebody loses. Her lawyer is bigger than your lawyer. Cool. She's scared.

And if she's expensive then good luck to your W. I think her money could be better spent on ... let's say child support?

So, I said, is that it?

You should have said "good luck with your lawyer, I've got to go and get on with my busy happy life" and hung up.

She said no, if you take the OW of FB then I won't file but we need to move forward in some sort of fashion.

See above. Is she so childish?

So, I asked her, any other demands? Nope, she said, that's it. I said, so what happens when I take her off? Things will magically get better? Why haven't you signed up for counseling? She said, for us or for me? I said, for you. She replied, that she didn't need counseling, that she's fine now and she knows what the right thing is to do. I asked her why she feels so strongly about this even though there's no way I could have a relationship with this OW based on geographical seperation and the fact that we don't even talk that much. She said she was jealous.

I asked her of what? I'm not dating her and there's no relationship. She said, I just am. I said, so let me get this straight, you are wanting to date other people because you feel alone, you've had sex outside the marriage, had an EA and you're upset because you presume that because you've done these things that I have done them also? I said, well that just isn't the case, that hasn't happened. She said, not that I know of. Ok, I said, goodbye, I'm done talking for now.

So, I'll ask and please be kind, Should I entertain this at all?
[/quote]

No effing way.

She has a chip on her shoulder and she will not back down about it. She needs to control the situation. She needs to control you. This OW on FB is WAAAY more than just a woman you have chatted to. You take this woman off FB and you're history - she owns you. And that's not attractive. You keep her on, you'll get more and more of this and you show her YOU own YOU. That is attractive.

I mean, I've told her that I would take her out on dates and asked that she gets counseling but she's refused--it's damn frustrating that she feels like this is her roadblock to start mending our relationship--I honestly don't understand.

It's not about that. It's about control.

Second, should I just go talk to my lawyer and file before she does? I feel threatened a little bit with her lawyer talk and the fact that she's not going to pay child support now?

I'm not in the US, but I did read somebody filing for financial support. Can you not do this?

Only file for D if YOU want to. Don't let her force you with her smoke and mirrors act.

[Gnosis]

Ok, she called again, told me that if I didn't take the woman of FB she was going to file this time and that she wasn't playing.

Blackmail.

She also said she was going to stop paying child support until the court ordered her to do so?

More blackmail. If she's really got a L advising her those would be the last words out of her mouth. I hope she tries this... it will be a guaranteed black mark on her name when it comes to the custody hearing.

DOCUMENT THIS -- and the reason why.

I said, ok that's fine, don't pay, you can answer for that one later on too.

This could be good because you called her bluff. And I believe it was a bluff.

She then went on to say that she felt like there wasn't a need right now for her to pay child support.

DOCUMENT THIS.

She said, well, we'll have to see what my lawyer has to say about that. And, btw, she's expensive and always wins.

More blackmail and stupid move on her behalf.

She said no, if you take the OW of FB then I won't file but we need to move forward in some sort of fashion.

ROFLMAO. AFW you've been absolutely spot on today with your call on your wife. I didn't want to say anything earlier on today wrt other peoples comments because I'm currently on a warpath of my own and felt that my view had been distorted due to my own sitch.

So, I asked her, any other demands? Nope, she said, that's it. I said, so what happens when I take her off? Things will magically get better? Why haven't you signed up for counseling?

I loved these questions. Her answers were pure BS. This woman is one helluva power-hungry creature.

I asked her why she feels so strongly about this even though there's no way I could have a relationship with this OW based on geographical seperation and the fact that we don't even talk that much. She said she was jealous.

That is pure BS. Jealousy doesn't give her the right to threaten the well-being of her kids. Bzzzzt! Sorry. It don't work like that.

So, I'll ask and please be kind, Should I entertain this at all?

NO. NO. NO. NO.

AFWAW there's no point in arguing with her. She is not in her right mind. Someone in her right mind would recall that you STILL have the power to destroy both her and her OM's career. Someone in their right mind would NOT dare threaten anything that could affect custody of their children.

All of this is EMOTIONAL TERRORISM. You are right this is a control issue and a power play to return you to your rightful position in the M (i.e. submission)

I mean, I've told her that I would take her out on dates and asked that she gets counseling but she's refused--it's damn frustrating that she feels like this is her roadblock to start mending our relationship--I honestly don't understand.

This forum is here to repair marriages... so with that in mind I suggest you run deep and run silent - as in BLACK HOLE deep. Ignore ALL attempts to contact.

Second, should I just go talk to my lawyer and file before she does? I feel threatened a little bit with her lawyer talk and the fact that she's not going to pay child support now?

I don't see anything to feel threatened about in her actions. Its all saber-rattling. But do report all this interaction to your L and get a legal opinion.

One last thing... don't forget that you are in a MORE powerful position than her at the moment. You hold the keys. Refresh your memory and go through all your ammunition.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Gnosis,

I agree with everything you've said here, but how long would you recommend that he wait? This has been going on for a long, LONG time.

I contend that his wife is what she is. The humane thing to do would be for AFW to [censored] or get off the pot.

Puppy

[Gnosis]

Puppy, I'm not AFWAW and can't make that decision for him, because he will have to live with it.

As for humane... she is still possessed by the alien. From what I recall there has been NO remorse shown, no willingness to compromise, no desire to do whatever it takes on her behalf. All she has done so far has been to get on her soapbox and demand, demand, demand.

The only humanity I see here is within AFWAW himself. Only he knows what he truly desires and how much he can take before he pushes his own button.

Right now I've pushed the button in my sitch. I've turned on the blast furnace and am playing extreme hardball. Mrs Gno is either going to be toast by New Years Eve or we'll have something to work on.

EDIT:
Disclaimer: Gnosis is in a highly agitated state (aka on the WARPATH) Please take his comments inline with his state of mind and contemplate before taking any action

[Steve McQueen]

So, I'll ask and please be kind, Should I entertain this at all?

AFWAW, where do you find yourself being happy in the midst of all of this? If you continue to "entertain" her (personality traits) a year? two? seven years down the road, do you see yourself then where you want to be mentally and physically?

I think you like may people on this site know the answers to their own questions they just dont know how to ask them to themselves correctly.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm saying it's not humane to string her along for a year or more, knowing how much they each agitate each other. Tell her to come back and work on the marriage, with your boundaries in place and enforced, or file (or tell her to file).

They're just torturing each other.

Puppy

[PMA_Baby!]

I agree. You both come off very controlling and enjoy playing a game more then WORKING on a marriage.

AF - You have your answer. She's unwilling to change and I'm guessing has never acted any other way.

Good Luck. PMA

[AFWAW]

I was kind of wavering about whether you should just take this woman off or not but you can't do it now. No way. She is playing a game. If you let her win, you've had it.

Yep, I've been wavering on this as well. Trying to figure out whether it's really going to make a difference and don't think that it will. It all points to her wanting to control the sitch even after she has done.

Bad. Don't get into a discussion about this. CS is a legal AND moral obligation. Why debate it with her. Somebody who tells you she is not paying for her kids because you have a friend on FB is not quite with the rest of us here on planet normal. No point arguing with her. She won't listen, you'll get frustrated and ... well you know the rest.

yep, got that. I was just a bit flustered when she said this about CS. I have the feeling based on comments she has made that she has strecthed herself pretty thin financially--could be the reason for this. Not a good reason, but a reason.

She has a chip on her shoulder and she will not back down about it. She needs to control the situation. She needs to control you.

What are you explaining how you bring your kids up at home? When she left, she left that responsibility too. She pays maintenance, you take care of the kids the best you can and spend that money wisely. End of story.

Good point. I didn't think of it like that.

No effing way.

She has a chip on her shoulder and she will not back down about it. She needs to control the situation. She needs to control you. This OW on FB is WAAAY more than just a woman you have chatted to. You take this woman off FB and you're history - she owns you. And that's not attractive. You keep her on, you'll get more and more of this and you show her YOU own YOU. That is attractive.

That's my take as well but it is refreshing to hear someone say. Got it.

Thanks very much for your candid remarks. I appreciate the input.

[PMA_Baby!]

A buddy of mine if going through this same kind of crap w his WAW. I apologize if I came off harsh. I just get so tired of seeing my buddy manipulated like she is doing to u.

Stay strong.