New to the Divorce Situation

[DDogs]

Sandi, Coach, Greek, PDT, Trent any vets able to chime in..

When we last met with the MC, I regretfully gave in and said I would look into mediation to dissolve the marriage rather than court,divorce etc... After I had left the session, I knew I had made the wrong choice and told the W that I didn't want to go that route while we were still in the process of receiving medical tx for depression, hormone replacement....MC was going to try and find find some closure for us in the next few sessions..

YESTERDAY:
Had MC with W, C began by saying that I spoke with him regarding my change of mind and that I also had mentioned Retrouvaille.. C asked me my thoughts and I began telling him about the new meds (antiD and Testosterone) and the benefits I was beging to see. I was upbeat, relaxed, very positive and spoke for about 10 min of to positive changes that I was starting to feel again.. W was watching me do this and was smiling,,C commented afterwards that this was the first time in session that he saw me happy, and laughing at the the things I was telling them.. W also commented that she noticed the animation and facial expressions that I had while talking..

C asked W where she was and she stated that she still feels the D is the right thing to do, that she feels the M is broken and not fixable. Her "head" tells her that this is the logical thing to do and her "heart" says she was scared, not of the D but, there are going to be severe negative consequences if this goes to D ... W:"I don't know whether I should just have the Lawyer go do it and get it done, or wait a year and still have the same outcome".. Could someone interpret this for me please!
C asked me the same and I told him that I still had hope for the M and wanted to wait until the meds for both of us be onboard for 4-6 weeks before trying to make a decision that would be long term..

MC stated that we can continue next time with any new developments.. (he's also checking into Retrouvaille) I'm wondering if I should steer the sessions towards understanding our communication difficulties? I do know that has been a HUGE problem in the M... Trying to figure out what Comm works for us..

We left and W began talking in the parking lot about the upcoming weekend regarding the kids. Everytime we talk about the kids we can keep on talking. It's good productive conversation... we actually both laughed a bit and joked about the gifts we were getting each of them... I remebered I wanted to be the one to end the talk so I said goodbye, and I will check into a few things and see the kids this Sat. I was about to leave and W leaned in and kissed me goodbye...

So folks,,,I think I getting mixed signals here.. Sandi what is her likely thought process?

Better yet, What would be the best way for me to proceed?

I'm remaining up beat and positive, AS IF, and not letting her see me in any way of defeated manner....