Your goal for today: Call cel company and move to your own plan. Give them W's new address for hers. Call insurance and do the same thing. Ditto on anything else you can.
You can do it!
I am not sure if we can split the family plan into 2 separate accounts since we have a contract with it. I don't know that they will do that until there is a D decree.
I think the insurance can be done.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
DNo, I don't consider it final just because she is with other men. It is current circumstances. Circumstances can change with time.
Notice, you said men, not man. She has clearly moved on. I can see forgiving one affair, but when you're talking about multiple relationships, you really need to start asking yourself why you don't think you deserve better.
Logic would say that if something is frustrating you on a monthly basis (RE: having to communicate about bills) then separating finances would be best. Why keep a continued source of frustration in your life when there is a simple fix?
W: I have decided to maintain my own finances starting Jan 1, 2010. Attached please find a spreadsheet of the necessary information you and I both need to split the finances/bills for individual payment as well as estimated projections of child related expenses. I have removed your name from the family cell plan and auto insurance as of (insert date here).
Think about what you are projecting... on one hand you say the bills are a source of monthly frustration yet on the other hand you say you don't mind being frustrated because to you, it keeps you attached to your W in some way.
Say you and your W were happily married. If your W was at the market and your daughter needed help filling out a form would you wait for your W to get home to do it or would you just take care of it? I would hope you would just get it done. Why would things be any different now?
If you want things to change you must be the "agent of change" and IMO you still let your W take the lead far too often.
What's the point of a conversational message board if you respond with *shrug*?
At least be honest with yourself. You don't want to split the bills because it is one of the last things you and your W share and you are fearful to move forward.
Notice, you said men, not man. She has clearly moved on. I can see forgiving one affair, but when you're talking about multiple relationships, you really need to start asking yourself why you don't think you deserve better.
I do deserve better. But is that really my choice to make? I'm not sure that it is. According to the church, it is not right now.
So should I not ask her if we are exchanging gifts for Christmas based off her comment of I can have that temperate checker as my Christmas gift?
I won't ask her to save me a seat tonight. I will just show up and support D12 and sit where ever is available.
W offered to sew 2 buttons on my 2 of my shirts since I have never done that before, so I will just go have it done myself and not have her do it.
I had debated about asking her if she wanted to do a Christmas eve dinner with me and the girls. I guess I won't.
I did ask her what time D12's karate event was tonight. She said call the school, so I will do that and not contact W.
I think I will do a little bit of apartment hunting today since W has asked me 3 times if I have made a decision to stay in the current one or get another one. I got a letter from my complex saying they would like me to stay and will keep my rate the same. But I don't know if I want to stay in the one I am in. Either way, it should not be W's concern as it doesn't affect the kids school in any way.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yep. You really need to split the bills. My H and I have already done that, and we aren't even 2 months into it.
*shrug*
Kevin
Shrug?! Nice. Sometimes I wonder if you are purposefully obtuse. You are not ever going to get your wife back until you stop WANTING your wife back. She is a want, not a need. The more you need her, the less likely you will have her.
You may not want to date, but you do need to start acting like a divorced father of 2. Live your own life. Let her live hers without interference from you. You know you have no chance to get her back until you mentally get to the point where YOU no longer want HER, so what's stopping you?
Logic would say that if something is frustrating you on a monthly basis (RE: having to communicate about bills) then separating finances would be best. Why keep a continued source of frustration in your life when there is a simple fix?
W: I have decided to maintain my own finances starting Jan 1, 2010. Attached please find a spreadsheet of the necessary information you and I both need to split the finances/bills for individual payment as well as estimated projections of child related expenses. I have removed your name from the family cell plan and auto insurance as of (insert date here).
Think about what you are projecting... on one hand you say the bills are a source of monthly frustration yet on the other hand you say you don't mind being frustrated because to you, it keeps you attached to your W in some way.
I get this. I guess it is some bit of fear in me that it just further leads to a point I don't want it to or it further assists in getting there if I move forward with splitting everything.
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Say you and your W were happily married. If your W was at the market and your daughter needed help filling out a form would you wait for your W to get home to do it or would you just take care of it? I would hope you would just get it done. Why would things be any different now?
I agree. I should have just handled it. Stupid reaction on my part.
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If you want things to change you must be the "agent of change" and IMO you still let your W take the lead far too often.
Ya, I guess I do. I have to stop that.
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What's the point of a conversational message board if you respond with *shrug*?
Was just not something I look forward to doing. Was shrugging at the thought of it.
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At least be honest with yourself. You don't want to split the bills because it is one of the last things you and your W share and you are fearful to move forward.
This is true. I can't deny it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, how would you feel if she said she wanted things split up. She easily could, but she doesn't. She has it pretty good knowing if she doesn't pay a bill, you will.
Spliting it up is for your protection. It makes good financial sense.
Shrug?! Nice. Sometimes I wonder if you are purposefully obtuse.
I was shrugging at the thought of what you had said SG. Just not something I really want to do.
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You are not ever going to get your wife back until you stop WANTING your wife back. She is a want, not a need. The more you need her, the less likely you will have her.
I know. I have to stop feeling like I need her. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I don't want her back though.
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You may not want to date, but you do need to start acting like a divorced father of 2. Live your own life. Let her live hers without interference from you. You know you have no chance to get her back until you mentally get to the point where YOU no longer want HER, so what's stopping you?
Fear sometimes.
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You have to, Kevin. It's your only hope.
You're right. I have to tackle my fear of letting go completely.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, how would you feel if she said she wanted things split up. She easily could, but she doesn't. She has it pretty good knowing if she doesn't pay a bill, you will.
She does have that safety net with me. And that bugs me being as how she makes so much more than I do and yet I am the safety net.
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Spliting it up is for your protection. It makes good financial sense.
It does. I agree. Again though, it is just me not wanting to finalize what little is left in some hope that maybe things can turn around.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
