K4D Rising #4

[iwantittowork]

Later on in the evening D7 called W to ask W if she was going to pay for a book she ordered that was due today and how. Then D12 also wanted to talk to W for a minute so she did. Then I had to get on the phone with W to get the details so I could fill out the form for W and D7. W was frusturated and told me they had called her earlier. I said I was not aware of that. Then W said if the girls are not with her, she doesn't need to be bothered.

K, do you not see how needy this makes you look? Do you wonder why your W is frustrated? She feels she is dealing with 3 kids here, you included! She is even telling you this!

When the kids are with you, you deal with this type of stuff, that's your job. You are not with your W right now, so don't call her about this mundane cr*p! You could show your the leader here, pay for the book, have the form filled out, and processed, if you have questions about it, call the people that are involved with the form, not your W.

You should tackle this stuff on your own, you have 0 chance of your W ever getting respect back for you while you do things like this. But you also need to realize that you do these things for you and your kids, not to show you W some changes! If she notices, well that's good, but count on her not noticing, and just do them because you need to!

[P17]

[quote]
Yes. I was trying to get our bills paid. I have been holding off on splitting everything up for us I guess in hopes of things turning back around at some point. Plus I haven't wanted to push us closer to D and felt that if I split everything that is left that it might push us closer to D.

K, if splitting your bills pushes your W closer to D then she is going to do it anyway.

Get the bills halved. Get her to pay HER bills from HER account and you pay YOURS. I know what you are doing. I tried to do it but W was smarter than me. You are trying to use the bills as a medium to hold onto W and to give you a reason to communicate with her. Admit it and don't be ashamed of it.

However, you need to stop it.

[quote]It should have been "who cares".

It should have been but you are not at that stage yet. You need to get there.

[K4D]

Now, I am saying this in the nicest way possible. Yes, you do smother her. You spend waaaay too much time obsessing over every detail about her and her life. It doesn't matter what she does or why. You really need to put her totally out of your mind. It doesn't matter where you sit. None of what you worry about daily matters. What matters is that she has moved on, and you need to stop caring what she does.

You may say that you are just venting here, but I have a feeling you're putting out a needy vibe to her, even if you don't intend to.

I do spend more time than I should thinking about her and what she is doing than I should. I really try to prevent myself from showing any vibes of neediness when around her. Maybe it does come off as that though even though I try not to.

I will tell you something else to. Last night when we were at the house, she was talking to me about this and that. I just felt myself getting angry inside and wishing she would just quit talking. I covered it up well and was cheerful in front of her. But my insides felt otherwise.

Kevin

[K4D]

K, do you not see how needy this makes you look? Do you wonder why your W is frustrated? She feels she is dealing with 3 kids here, you included! She is even telling you this!

When the kids are with you, you deal with this type of stuff, that's your job. You are not with your W right now, so don't call her about this mundane cr*p! You could show your the leader here, pay for the book, have the form filled out, and processed, if you have questions about it, call the people that are involved with the form, not your W.

You should tackle this stuff on your own, you have 0 chance of your W ever getting respect back for you while you do things like this. But you also need to realize that you do these things for you and your kids, not to show you W some changes! If she notices, well that's good, but count on her not noticing, and just do them because you need to!

Yes. I agree that I should have handled it myself. It didn't come off looking very good that I didn't. My thought was if she had told D7 she was going to do it and it was due today, then she needed to take care of it with D7. But in reality, I should have just taken care of it and moved on.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

How is taking control or YOUR finances and protecting your credit (not having bills paid late) moving closer to a D? It's ironic that you feel separating finances would be the final straw yet the fact that you haven't lived together in some time AND she is with other men don't seem final to you.

It's a control issue with you. As long as you and your W still have something joint then you have a shred of something shared with her.

And you are correct, you should have never called her about the book for your daughter/how to fill out the form and payment. How hard could the form be to fill out? A while back my H e-mailed me asking me where he should go to get the car inspected, lol. Men that can't figure out simple tasks *are* annoying.

This is why many of us feel you come across as needy. If you wanted your W and daughter to work out the book issue why did you get on the phone with her at all?

[K4D]

Get the bills halved. Get her to pay HER bills from HER account and you pay YOURS. I know what you are doing. I tried to do it but W was smarter than me. You are trying to use the bills as a medium to hold onto W and to give you a reason to communicate with her. Admit it and don't be ashamed of it.

However, you need to stop it.

I am not using the bills as a way to communicate with her. It is actually frusturating knowing each month we are going to have to discuss them. I just also don't want to push closer to the end of things in my own mind.

Kevin

[Super Girl]

K, if splitting your bills pushes your W closer to D then she is going to do it anyway.

Yep. You really need to split the bills. My H and I have already done that, and we aren't even 2 months into it.

[Startingover2]

Your goal for today:
Call cel company and move to your own plan. Give them W's new address for hers.
Call insurance and do the same thing.
Ditto on anything else you can.

You can do it!

[K4D]

How is taking control or YOUR finances and protecting your credit (not having bills paid late) moving closer to a D? It's ironic that you feel separating finances would be the final straw yet the fact that you haven't lived together in some time AND she is with other men don't seem final to you.

No, I don't consider it final just because she is with other men. It is current circumstances. Circumstances can change with time.

It's a control issue with you. As long as you and your W still have something joint then you have a shred of something shared with her.

I haven't looked at it as a control issue. More of a hope issue. But maybe it is a control issue that I am not making myself aware of.

And you are correct, you should have never called her about the book for your daughter/how to fill out the form and payment. How hard could the form be to fill out? A while back my H e-mailed me asking me where he should go to get the car inspected, lol. Men that can't figure out simple tasks *are* annoying.

I can fill out the form. I was needing to know how she wanted to pay for it and how many she wanted and exactly what she wanted.

This is why many of us feel you come across as needy. If you wanted your W and daughter to work out the book issue why did you get on the phone with her at all?

D7 can't fill out the form. She didn't quite know what she was doing.

Kevin

[K4D]

Yep. You really need to split the bills. My H and I have already done that, and we aren't even 2 months into it.

*shrug*

Kevin