I sorta get the fox/rabbits scenario, but not sure on the african violets.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
African Violets: The less you handle them, the more they flourish and grow. If you fuss over them they will live but not thrive.
IOW, stop fussing over your W, stop mind reading, speculating and trying to figure out why she does what and do what you need to do for you. When you smother an AV they tend to die quickly as they don't need as much attention as the general non-African Violet loving population tends to think.
Off topic. But since this is such an active thread...is anyone else having issues getting on to FB this morning? I log on ok, then its a blank screen.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SG, thanks for clearing that up. I really wasn't getting it.
CG, not smothering W. I probably ought to chill out on the mind reading though.
So last night went well for the most part. I picked up D7 and met W at the house since D12 wanted W to curl her hair. I got us dinner and waited and then took D7 and D12 to the choir performance that D12 was singing in at school since we had to be there a half hour early. W asked me to save her a seat so I did. W got there right as it started and we had D7 sitting between us. I noticed W looked at me a couple of times. When it was over we parted ways at the cars.
Later on in the evening D7 called W to ask W if she was going to pay for a book she ordered that was due today and how. Then D12 also wanted to talk to W for a minute so she did. Then I had to get on the phone with W to get the details so I could fill out the form for W and D7. W was frusturated and told me they had called her earlier. I said I was not aware of that. Then W said if the girls are not with her, she doesn't need to be bothered.
Ok. Are you a mom or not? Do your kids that you brought in the world no longer exist to you unless they are with you now? That comment kind of pissed me off. I don't usually bother her and try to keep the kids from doing so, but dang, what kind of comment is that?
So I got off the phone with her and a short while later she sent me a text saying sorry, and that she has a headache and is trying to rest and feel better at home. Of course her IM on her phone status that she typed in said that she was mobile which she places on it when she is not home or at work. So I am not sure that I bought the story of her being home alone. Not that it matters.
But I couldn't believe that comment.
SM, I enjoy the challenge of thinking you provide. I guess I just wasn't getting that one.
Tonight D12 has a karate competition at school for her gold belt. I think W's mom is going to be there. W will have to get there early with D12 tonight. Should I ask her to save me a seat or say nothing and just show up and sit where ever? I'd like to be able to sit with D7 and W like last night. But I am not sure that W will want to save me a seat if her mom is planning on being there.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 12/16/0902:51 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You spend so much time thinking about what you should or should not do when you have an exchange with your W. You do understand you cannot control what sort of person she is, how she parents or any other aspect of her, right?
IMO smothering can have multiple definitions and you do smother her. Wasn't it just a few days ago that you sent her multiple texts (RE: bill payment) and when she didn't respond you called her?
I get that bills needed to be paid but clearly the system you currently have with your W to pay the bills is requiring too much contact. So, figure out a new situation or separate your finances 100% so you won't have to chase after her to pay bills.
All this speculating about why her phone said her IM came from her phone and it showed up as "mobile". Who cares? Why waste your time wondering when there is no way to know? Why worry so much about who is sitting where at an event for your child? If you have a seat and you are there to support your kid that is all you need to concern yourself with.
SG, thanks for clearing that up. I really wasn't getting it.
CG, not smothering W. I probably ought to chill out on the mind reading though.
You're welcome.
Now, I am saying this in the nicest way possible. Yes, you do smother her. You spend waaaay too much time obsessing over every detail about her and her life. It doesn't matter what she does or why. You really need to put her totally out of your mind. It doesn't matter where you sit. None of what you worry about daily matters. What matters is that she has moved on, and you need to stop caring what she does.
You may say that you are just venting here, but I have a feeling you're putting out a needy vibe to her, even if you don't intend to.
You spend so much time thinking about what you should or should not do when you have an exchange with your W. You do understand you cannot control what sort of person she is, how she parents or any other aspect of her, right?
Yes, I understand this and I don't try to control who she is or what kind of parent she is. That comment just bothered me last night. I should have just handled it for D7. But I was letting her and her mom work it out and then I will filling out the form based on what W said. I should have just filled it out and gave D7 the check and if W chose to reimburse she does, if not she doesn't.
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Wasn't it just a few days ago that you sent her multiple texts (RE: bill payment) and when she didn't respond you called her?
Yes. I was trying to get our bills paid. I have been holding off on splitting everything up for us I guess in hopes of things turning back around at some point. Plus I haven't wanted to push us closer to D and felt that if I split everything that is left that it might push us closer to D.
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All this speculating about why her phone said her IM came from her phone and it showed up as "mobile". Who cares? Why waste your time wondering when there is no way to know? Why worry so much about who is sitting where at an event for your child? If you have a seat and you are there to support your kid that is all you need to concern yourself with.
It wasn't that so much as she was telling me she was at home and her phone said otherwise. It shouldn't have been a thought for me. I guess it just was because the 2 didn't match. Funny enough, D7 asked W where she was to because it didn't sound to her like W was at home either. That was without me saying anything. But again, it didn't matter and I shouldn't have put any thought into it. It should have been "who cares".
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
