Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Puppy,

looking at what you wrote, that makes alot of sense. I have expected her to do things, and she hasn't come through, which is my issue to deal with.

I have to process these things, and learn to not to fall into the trap of what she does/says/goes.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

eh, just enjoy the KIDS.

And did you have that STEAK yet???

[SoldierDad]

Puppy,

Sure did, was delicious.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Attaboy.

[goldeylox]

^
What Puppy said.
SD - You seem a bit impatient. There's a lot happening all at once. Relax. With only so many days of leave, you're going to have to try to stay fluid and pick your battles.
Your tour is up in March?
If something can wait (oil change in the car, writing that letter to Aunt Millie, even visiting the boards) then let it wait. It will all be there when you return.
What can't wait? Those kids. Your own health.
Be still for 5 minutes.
Write out your goals. What is the top priority? I hope it's saving yourself.
You didn't get here overnight and you're not going to resolve it quickly either.
Build support. You have a lot of support on the boards, and you need real life friends, too. Watch out for decoys (those who just want to gossip about the drama unfolding).
Get creative. For me, I'm looking into a webcam, since my family is all far away.
Most of all, have a very Merry Christmas. Just love the heck out of those kids, and take care of you. Eat, sleep, detach. Try to take it one day at a time and not get too far ahead of yourself. Peace.

[SoldierDad]

Well, yesterday did not end well for me in my quest. Turns out the OM WAS the single SSG living in the barracks. He told his Chain that my W told him initially that she had been divorced since Mar 09. They met o/a 14 Nov-so he says. They went on 3 dates-so he says-and then on Dec 1st, she told him that she was still married, but had filed for divorce. He told his Chain, that there was no sex involved-LIE, and that the relationship was over.

This completely does nothing in my quest to db with my wife. I think that she is hopping from Soldier to Soldier trying to latch onto one. She literally wants NOTHING to do with me-and I beleive HATES me. I am beginning to think that the Warrant Officer I saw her with yesterday, may be her newest conquest.

I think I need to just let go, and let her do whatever damaging behavior she wants to do. It is so hard, I want to SCREAM at her "stop this crap-grow up, you are a mother for Christ sake".

I have my court hearing today for the temp. restraining order at 1500. Should have my boys after that.

Folks, I don't know what to do with her anymore. I have done EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. It just seems that she is just...gone.

Well, I am excited to hopefully getting my boys for consecutive days, and heading to my Mothers for Christmas soon.

[givingitmyall]

I think I need to just let go, and let her do whatever damaging behavior she wants to do. It is so hard, I want to SCREAM at her "stop this crap-grow up, you are a mother for Christ sake".

I have my court hearing today for the temp. restraining order at 1500. Should have my boys after that.

Folks, I don't know what to do with her anymore. I have done EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. It just seems that she is just...gone.

SD,

It is WAY early in this "game." Stick with the plan, and let go of those things over which you have no control - her behavior and choices. All of your feelings are completely understandable and normal.

Listen to your L and stay calm and professional during the hearing today. Right now, YOU have the advantage right up to the point you lose your composure and give the judge the wrong impression about you. DON'T do that. It will only help HER.

Take some time to sort through the emotions and ask yourself some tough questions - do you want her back at all? Time will help you resolve this. You have to be very careful here that you base your decision on reasoned thought and not emotion.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck in your hearing today. You will do just fine.

[SoldierDad]

gima,
I don't know what I want right now-I just know that I hurt because of her destructive behavior. How could I ever take her back after what she has done/is doing? What would that make me?

I will be calm, cool, and collected, just like every time I have been around her.

My emotions are all over the place. I just can't believe this is really happening. I see her, and I just think "why doesn't she run to me, and love me, and tell me she's sorry?" Why doesn't she do that?

Why doesn't my wife want to be with me?

I don't understand what is going on with her right now.

Also, how do I just let my wife go from guy to guy, looking to find my "replacement"?

How do I just let go? I'm struggling with this.

I am very emotional today, and am just struggling with all of this damaging info, I have come across the last 2 days.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Folks, I don't know what to do with her anymore. I have done EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. It just seems that she is just...gone.

. . . and she WILL be, SD, for quite some time to come. Months. You need to come to grips with that. It is PHYSIOLOGICAL at this point -- her brain is awash with endorphines -- PEAs -- and even if she made the intellectual decision TODAY to end it with him, and was full of remorse and came running back to you, repentant, it would STILL take 2-3 weeks of HARD withdrawal, followed by up to 6 to 18 months to fully withdraw.

That just IS right now, and yeah it sukks, and yeah, it's totally unfair.

Put more simply, SHE IS NOT HERSELF. I found it helps to think of her as an addict, which she is -- affairs are HIGHLY addictive. It is what made an intelligent, otherwise sane female astronaut drive from Texas to Florida WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER, so she wouldn't have to make bathroom stops, so she could come "avenge her man" more quickly.

Puppy

[SoldierDad]

Puppy, what do I do? I am a wreck today. All I see is her, out with ALL of these guys-what is she searching for?? I gave her everything. I don't understand.

So, I just -let go, and just "take" this destructive behavior from her? It is so hard to even imagine just letting go.

And, after yesterday, seeing her in the PX, and maybe ANOTHER new guy with her, when does she star to realize what she is doing is not right?

How long is she going to go fro man to man searching for whatever it is she is looking for?

I just don't get it.