The problem with overly optimistic advice for spouses of LD people is that failure to make the LD person want sex logically reflects as a failure of effort on the part of the HD spouse. A more honest assessment would add the caveat that the ND or LD person may not become more sexual, no matter how much positive effort is applied by both people.
You have a number of profound observations. You are probably right that some people may not be able to either be cured or some may not "want/embrace" what is required to forgive and change.
I have been reading a new book that at first I didn't like, but that has a much different approach to adult marital relationships. It is growing on me as I think more about it. It is the Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. What I like and don't like (at the same time) is the concept that couples will always have a different desire levels and that getting the LD partner to increase their desire is not the right approach.
It points out that some couples have LD and HD in regard to sex, other couples have LD and HD in regards to spending money, and still other couples have LD and HD in regards to having a baby. It goes on to embrace the struggle between two people as a wonderful growth and learning experience that teaches each of us how to be a better person and who we are.
It is quite thought provoking. As the HD partner in a SSM, I kind of like the SSM approach and that of other sex therapy programs (i.e. raising the LD partners sex drive). This alternate approach by David Schnarch is interesting and causing me to do some serious thinking.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
