yes. i tend to practice escapism; because facing cold hard facts is difficult. fell wimpy sometimes.Yet everyone comes to me with problems. like i'm a sage or something. Maybe it's because i'm a health care provider and some see that as armor plating. but i'm just a guy like everyone else( a hurting , spinning guy right now) with a few solid friends and family. but they just want to see me out of pain; i get it.
it's hard to get on your feet when the rug keeps getting pulled out from under you. Feel like throwing in the towel sometimes. I know this is a "victim" attitude and i must break out of it. I seem to have put the interests of others ahead of my self for most of my life. Sort of the little boy seeking mom's approval. Definitely goes back to early years, but we are Adults and need to move forward. I get it. Now need to DO it.
yes, i feel i am. but some fear is holding me back??? maybe abandonment???
Rob, you are saying things I use to hear women say when they depended on the H for their livelyhood. You are a man! You don't have to have a woman to support you or make you happy. You don't even have to have one to escort your around town. Get yourself dressed up and get out of that house. Stop staying there watching her kill you softly everynight. If she is not home......then you still need to get out and stay out late.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
will try to stay out late...maybe brothers house or a movie. not into clubs or bars. I will find something. Right now i so much want to talk about the R!! but i know thats wrong, don't pursue. In bed i so much want to caress and try fo ML, just to see. But I know thats the wrong thing to do. Must clear my head and regroup. Folks here please help. thanks
will try to stay out late...maybe brothers house or a movie. not into clubs or bars. I will find something. Right now i so much want to talk about the R!! but i know thats wrong, don't pursue. In bed i so much want to caress and try fo ML, just to see. But I know thats the wrong thing to do. Must clear my head and regroup. Folks here please help. thanks
Rob, you're doing good. Listen to the vets here on the board like Sandi2, PDT, Coach, TrentC and many others. These guys know what they are talking about. Sandi2 will give you the sitch from the woman's side of things. She knows, she's been there and I never tire of reading her advice.
The way I think of my sitch is as a game. She is playing a game in her head with you. Everything she does is moving a piece in that game. Everything she does is designed to throw you off the game and let her win.
My way of dealing with this was to actually stop playing her game at all. I took all my pieces and walked away. Best thing I ever did. Now when she plays the game at me, I just smile as I know the rules and I can't lose. If you don't play, you can't lose.
You need to try and work on yourself and forget about the M just now. Everything you want to do is counter to what you want to achieve. You need 180's and GALing. That is counter-intuitive but it works in so many ways that it's the only thing that should be an option. While you are doing those things you will also be working on your self, your self-confidence, your self-esteem and most of all your mental state.
Keep posting here. Vent, Scream. Shout. Don't do ANYTHING with the W though until you've come here.
One last bit of advice. Never EVER make a decision when your spun out. Take a lot of self control but try not to do it. It will set you back 10 steps.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
ok. what about doing things together?? today she wants to take me for a foot massage and then get a christmas tree?? BTW..yes, everything seems counter-intuitive but i trust you guys.
ok. what about doing things together?? today she wants to take me for a foot massage and then get a christmas tree?? BTW..yes, everything seems counter-intuitive but i trust you guys.
Can you handle spending time with her and have no R talk?
If you can, go and enjoy yourself. Stay upbeat. Have fun. Laugh. Don't be pursuing though. Be interested in what she says but not nosey. Listen to her and just enjoy yourself.
