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Joined: Dec 2009
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and if he tells me ... if where going to do this things are going to change like he did last time... when he told me he needed space and the texting and the calling ... when i did none i did what he asked and i stoped ... and he only called when he wanted to ....


Me: 35 yrs
H: 35 yrs
D: 18 yrs
Married: 21 yrs
H is over seas : July. 2009, "not happy now..confused" "don't know what I want" "I love you, but not in love with you"
Currently: confused and lonely
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
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I think that you need to take the lead in this situation. If he wants to talk then it needs to be on your terms. I dont think that hes going to come back to the states to ask for a D.

He has made some really bad choices, so if you are kind enough to be willing to talk to him, you need to say when and where. All he is allowed to do is ask you for the talk.

Jstar is spot on about what she said. Right now, you should be worrying about yourself. This is an opportunity for you to make some real changes! You have got to stop worrying about him. If you can take your focus off of him, you will feel better, I promise!


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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are you ready to hear what he may or may not say?

if you can try to leave him be for awhile, no texting, no calling and back off. you don't want to appear to be coming after him or pursuing him.


Me 39 H 30
d 18 previous marriage
d 2.5 with H
s 4.5months with H
Seperation Nov09
july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
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well the sgt. is a family man and he told me when i called him that he would have a word with him ... but he told me he would call me back and tell me what happend ... he might have called over there and spoke to someone else ..

but he is a good friend and we have become close me and him more then he and my H ... but i have a bad habbet of tring to figures thing out cuz im the one that does everything for him ...

and for the family while and while hes not around i sometimes would like things to get figerd out by him once in a while so i might just let him figuer this one out ....

if he even tries to ... i know everything is a puzzle in life just like a circle but i am tired of giving and not expecting nothing in return ... never have


but there is a time u give up becouse the other is just not tring to and i sometimes say he dose that to see if i give up...

he told me right befor all this that how would i hold up if he goes to afgan. or irac. i told him the same way i did when he went to bootcamp i only spock with him when he was able to .

on sundays only well this tim would be when he can ...

cuz my feelings where getting hurt cuz he stop saying i love u and i miss u ... and he told me that i said it to much and that he does not need to hear that all the time is that true..

and i know i guess if u talk to that person everyday i guess u have nothing to talk about ... or say ... so i did do that but he was getting worst... then he started with the i love my freedoom ... crap.. so then what i did what he wanted gave him space...

and then this no i dont think i should alowe him to change that when its always been that way with use ... or am i wrong for that ....


Me: 35 yrs
H: 35 yrs
D: 18 yrs
Married: 21 yrs
H is over seas : July. 2009, "not happy now..confused" "don't know what I want" "I love you, but not in love with you"
Currently: confused and lonely
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 102
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i mean bluerain knows i had ticket to go see him in jan. .. thats what i mean if he said well we have to talk about it in person ... like saing are u coming still... i dont want to be a pease cuz he hasent gotten any... and then go back to the same thing...

if he reject me... after when i come back home... i dont know i do want to but .... i dont know how it would turn up...

he so call said last time he got his vc and i know since he put in for it he would not be spending it alone or parting cuz hill waist the money again ... so if he ask that i would not know at the moment should i say that and be honest ...

on how i feel cuz when i tell him how im feeling remember he tells me ooooo here we go again... if i here that should i just say ok bye and hang it...


Me: 35 yrs
H: 35 yrs
D: 18 yrs
Married: 21 yrs
H is over seas : July. 2009, "not happy now..confused" "don't know what I want" "I love you, but not in love with you"
Currently: confused and lonely
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 102
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Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 102
so i should not answer him at all if he try to call well i dought call but text me... and give it some time...


Me: 35 yrs
H: 35 yrs
D: 18 yrs
Married: 21 yrs
H is over seas : July. 2009, "not happy now..confused" "don't know what I want" "I love you, but not in love with you"
Currently: confused and lonely
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
I think that you are right. At some point, you have to know that you have done all you can, but that is ONLY up to you. Dont let anyone else push you (including him) to make a choice that you are not ready to make.

I think that you are also pretty smart to be aware that he might try to use you for your body. Which, I understand that you have had a pretty significant weight loss- Congratulations, by the way! Has he seen you since then? Hopefully he wouldnt do that, but who really knows.

I wouldnt answer his texts/calls immediately, wait at least a few hours. And when you do answer them, keep your responses short, and to the point. Like I said before, tell him that you are just on your way out the door, and cant really talk right now.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Joined: Dec 2009
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hey im so happy
im detached he said its done

i loset 60 pounds of my shoulder


Me: 35 yrs
H: 35 yrs
D: 18 yrs
Married: 21 yrs
H is over seas : July. 2009, "not happy now..confused" "don't know what I want" "I love you, but not in love with you"
Currently: confused and lonely
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
Did you speak to him tonight?


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 102
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hey bluerain i feel good tonight we spoke and i express my self he did to and we left it at when he said im tierd of everything im done.... and i said u mean u dont want me in ur life no more

he did not answer so i said ooo u mean yes im not in ur life no more oooo ok bye and left it as that i did not cry or nothng have not texted him


but yes he said he was tierd of the bs texting and bs with everyone over there so i said ok


and i feel so much better


Me: 35 yrs
H: 35 yrs
D: 18 yrs
Married: 21 yrs
H is over seas : July. 2009, "not happy now..confused" "don't know what I want" "I love you, but not in love with you"
Currently: confused and lonely
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