G - I'm not leaving. If he is messing around let the infidel leave - he already left anyway. I'm not the WA - he is! He'll just find another reason to say, "see it's your fault you left."
Serenity - yeah..you know it's all my fault right? If I would just shut up and let him walk all over me everything would be fine. Not.
Sol - please pray for me I need it.
I still can't get over what a great bunch of people are here.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Hi (((((Luv))))) I truly don't know what I would have done without this forum the last few months. I don't know what your H is up to, but one thing I found out the hard way is that my "gut" was right... every time. If there is any way you can get some proof, it will help. But, in the meantime, you need to try to not be so reactive. I know I am asking the impossible. How can you not be angry when you are being treated like sh*& by your H? I know. But... it gives him "validation" that you are "crazy". Try to calmly plan out your next steps. Back off, don't respond to his text. Hopefully Puppy can give you some ideas for gathering some proof. In the meantime, figure out what your boundaries are, communicate and enforce them, then "act as if". Let him worry and stew about what you may know or not know. You are strong. You are going to be ok! We are here for you....
L, in NO WAY did I mean for you to walk-away or leave. Uh Uh!
Originally Posted By: rockedworld
But, in the meantime, you need to try to not be so reactive. I know I am asking the impossible. How can you not be angry when you are being treated like sh*& by your H? I know. But... it gives him "validation" that you are "crazy".
^^^^^ Listen to Rocked's words. The "validation" part is what I've been lacking in communicating directly to you before.
Originally Posted By: rockedworld
Try to calmly plan out your next steps. Back off, don't respond to his text. <SNIP> In the meantime, figure out what your boundaries are, communicate and enforce them, then "act as if".
Planning is IMPORTANT. Part of planning is getting legal advice to see where you stand. Enforce your boundaries on his crap behavior and hide the fact that they affect you.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
hey, I'm so sorry I've missed so much!!! if you find me on fb, you can always email me Crissy Seamster
I've been in Dallas at a conference, so i'm way behind on everyone.
but I saw this
Quote:
I text him "im at dinner - love u - nite. I got no response. Whatever.
stop telling him ILY. don't do that until he is ready to commit. IMHO. and because of your response, you are not keeping your expectations to a zero. you have to do this, for your own sanity. you cannot expect anything, and because you ARE expecting, you are setting yourself up to be bitter and angry, and it also means you are looking to him for your happiness. you've got to find your happiness without him. our spouses are NOT there to make us happy, but to be a blessing, and addition, to our happiness. if we are expecting them to make us happy, then we will NEVER be truly happy, because they are human, and sinful humans at that!
so, I have no idea what has happened recently, I saw something that makes me think your assuming he's having an affair? is that correct or incorrect?
anyways, no matter what, the goal should be the same. stop focusing on him, and focus on you.
and the validation thing, yes yes, that is a great point!
one thing I learned at my convention, we have got to focus on the positives. Whatever we zoom in on in a picture is what we will print, so do we want to focus and print the bad or the good?? we get to choose. we get to choose how we will respond, so make a choice to be proactive instead of reactive.
also, if you do not stay focused to your dreams or your path, when you get disappointed (and we will ALL be disappointed at some point by distractions and by obstacles) you will find yourself in discouragement. And then if you allow yourself to focus on the discouragement and negativity, it will lead you to depression. We definitely don't want that! So how do we stay focused? We are proactive and we take action daily and we zoom in on the positive, not the negative. Sometimes this even requires removing ourselves from situations that are negative, or people who are negative. Surround yourself with positive people and positive events, positive books, music, whatever.
We believe in you! Believe in yourself!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST - great encouragement/advice. I'm trying really hard to suck it up. I'm having one of those really bad days. It's gonna take everything I have to come out of this one. I just think it's gonna get real bad.
Yes..I do believe he may be having a PA. I'm just trusting my instinct here. He's way too distant to not be. It's just who he is and he's done it to me before so...I know.
I understand no more ily - i get that - i get validation - i wanna get a frying pan and hit him and tell him to leave instead!
I'm just glad I have you guys to vent. I don't know what I would do without you and my best friend J.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
